Somebody Catch My Breath
by Candyfairey
Summary: Cassidy never thought he'd have the kind of the love he did with her. He honestly felt he didn't deserve it, but here she was, the younger sister of Jesse Custer accepting him for him and showing him the kind of love that gives someone the power to destroy you completely. Cassidy/OC.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Okay, so this will be a series of one-shots based around Cassidy from** ** _Preacher_** **and an OC, inspired by Joseph Gilgun's performance. Each one will be inspired by a song. There will also be very minimal editing. I'm going to treat this like a writing exercise, basically writing what first comes to mind for each chapter when inspiration hits, and barely going back to edit. Please keep in mind that I have not read the comics. Enjoy!**

 **I was originally going to do these in no particular order but I've decided to go back and start from the beginning, so if you've been following (Thank you!), the first three chapters will remain in the same order, so I would pick up at chapter four, and the chapters that were previously posted will still be in the story, just later on.**

Chapter One

Cancer-Twenty One Pilots

Turn away

If you could get me a drink

Of water 'cause my lips are chapped and faded

Call my aunt Marie

Help her gather all my things

And bury me in all my favorite colors

My sister and my brothers, still

I will not kiss you

'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you

Cassidy followed behind Jesse while Tulip unlocked the door and held it open. He watched as Jesse carried his younger sister in his arms as if she weighed nothing. Her eyes were sunken and her skin was pale as she had her head resting against her brother's chest while he carried her to her room.

"Cass, can you bring Dean in here?" Jesse asked.

Cassidy moved into the living room in answer, unplugging her oxygen machine that she'd named after her favorite television character. He entered her room, with its calm green walls and shelves of books, and that deep purple comfortable they'd spent so many nights curled up on together.

As Jesse removed the tubing that was hooked up to her portable tank and shut the tank off, Cassidy plugged Dean into the outlet nearest her bed. He gently placed the cannula inside her nose and tucked the tubing behind her ears.

Jesse bent down over her and pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Tulip and I will be in my room if you need us."

"I love you," she said softly.

Jesse smiled before responding, "I love you too. More than anything."

When Cassidy moved to leave the room as well she grabbed his hand. He looked down at her, under the sheets and wrapped up in one of his zip-up jackets, warring with himself. He wanted to stay, for her, but he also wanted to go for his own selfish reason, he honestly didn't know if he could stand it. This whole thing just wasn't fucking fair, to any of them. He loved her. God did he love her, and now…now…

"Please?" she asked, her eyes pleading up at the vampire.

He could feel how weak she was and it made his gut churn. He nodded and removed his own jacket as she slowly scooted over a bit so Cassidy could lay next to her. He pulled the sheets back and lay on his side before carefully pulling her against him and burying his face into her neck. Cassidy pressed gentle kisses on her neck, slowly, trying desperately to memorize the feel of her soft skin, her smell, the beat of her pulse underneath his lips, the sound of the little gasps that he was causing to escape from her pale lips.

Cassidy pulled away when he felt a drop on his neck. He used a thumb to wipe away her tears and then ran a hand through her short dark hair. They'd stopped chemo before Cassidy ever came to town. It wasn't working, so she, along with Jesse, decided the turmoil of the treatments should stop so she'd have a better quality of life. However long that was, the doctors hadn't exactly given them a definite time frame.

She reached her own hand up to run through his hair. "How come you've never mentioned changing me?"

Cassidy's eyes went wide before taking a breath and answering. "Well, you never brought it up. I'm a selfish bastard. You know that more than anyone. But…I…I can't resign you to that fate. I can't let you go through what I've been through. I love you too much for that."

She smiled and dropped her hand, curling herself into his embrace.

Only when she'd been unable to keep her eyes open did she get some sleep. She'd been fighting to stay awake in Cassidy's arms, to savor every moment with him and everything about him: his smell, his face, his voice, the feel of his lips against her own. In the light of the moon streaming through her lace curtains they traded soft kisses. Finally he plucked her well-read copy of _Macbeth_ off her bookshelf and started reading it to her, only then, in the middle of the first act did she succumb to sleep. Cassidy watched her as she slept in his arms and listened to the sound of her breathing aided by the oxygen machine.

The next morning she felt better and was able to sit up in bed. A nurse came from the hospital to administer more fluids and some morphine for the pain.

At some point during the day Cassidy had put in the first season of her favorite show and maneuvered them so he was sitting behind her and she was leaning back into the warmth of his chest. He watched her smile as she watched the Winchester brothers on screen and how she would giggle at their antics, trying not to think about how much he would miss that sound. Later, after the sun was starting to set, she took a bath with some help from Tulip. Cassidy had originally volunteered but when Tulip saw him carrying her into the bathroom she went in and kicked him out and because of the look on Tulip's face he didn't even dare to argue. Tulip wrapped her in a towel afterwards and went to get Cassidy, who was right outside the door. He picked her up and once in her room he sat her on the bed and helped her dress in her favorite sweatpants, her well-loved Twenty One Pilots t-shirt, and his jacket.

They lay back on the bed again, as they had been the night before. She placed a hand on his cheek. He closed his eyes at the feeling and shivered at how cold she was. "You're a good man Cass," she said.

He shook his head and opened his eyes. "No. I'm not. But you make me better than the right arsehole I am. Aren't you going to make me promise to be good…after…?" He couldn't say it. He still couldn't say it. It hurt too much.

"No." Her thumb stroked his cheek. "I won't do that to you."

Cassidy turned his face and pressed a kiss into her palm, letting his lips linger there.

She pulled her hand back and he watched as she unclasped her necklace, a raw emerald on a rose gold chain. She took his hand and put the necklace in his palm. "But I want you to have this."

He squeezed the necklace, feeling it almost cut into his palm. "I won't need it. I'm going to join you as soon as I can."

She recoiled as if he'd slapped her and she surprised them both with how quick she moved. "Don't you dare say that!" she hissed. "You-you can't-" tears began to leak from her eyes and Cassidy wanted to punch himself.

"I can't help being honest love," he finally said.

"You never have been able to," she said and then let out a small laugh.

Cassidy closed his eyes. God, could he do this? Could he live without her? He'd been waiting years for her without even knowing it. Sure, he no way in hell deserved her, but this…losing her…it was the purest form of torture he'd ever endured.

"I just want you to be happy," she said, and she meant it. She moved so she was flush against him.

"I just want you," he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

She moved so she could look at him and her eyes were filled with so much grief he would've looked away if she hadn't moved in and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I love your nose," she said, causing him to smile. "I love you."

"I love you. I love you so much," Cassidy told her, holding her tighter. He wanted to tell her how he felt, that he didn't deserve her. All the shite he'd done in his long life. He wondered if this was his punishment. Finding her and then her being taken away from him. She knew who he was. She knew he knew that she knew who he was and she still loved him. For all his flaws and imperfections and all the times he'd been a downright arse, she loved him. He held onto that in his mind as he held onto her in his arms.

It was a few hours later. She'd drifted off for a bit but then woke with a start. He could see she was struggling to breathe and her eyes were wide. She clutched him desperately as he yelled for Jesse and Tulip. They rushed into the room, looking like they hadn't slept since they got back from the hospital.

Jesse immediately went to the other side of the bed and Tulip sat on the end.

She continued clutching onto Cassidy, fighting for her breath, as he lay next to her on his side. A few moments later and her grip went slack, causing Cassidy's to tighten. As she looked at him he wasn't sure she was truly seeing him and her eyes closed and he felt her go limp. Cassidy faintly registered an agonized sob come from Jesse who moved to wrap an arm around his sister as Cassidy released her from his arms and, trying and failing to stand, sunk onto his knees next to the bed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Preacher.**

Chapter Two

Nothing Left to Lose-Kari Kimmel

I gave my heart while it was beating

And handed it over to you

And it was so beautiful when it was needed

Now it's all messed up and left in ruins

The air filled with a terrible scream. The kind that someone has no control over. The kind people turn their faces away from because it's filled with so much raw pain and agony it couldn't possibly come from anyone besides someone who was being torn apart from the inside out.

Cassidy didn't realize he was the one screaming until the screaming turned into a broken sob that tore its way through the screaming.

He stood up and immediately lashed out, breaking every stupid knick knack on her dresser into bits. He moved, knocking books off the shelf next to her bed.

Jesse was still on the other side of her, his forehead pressed against her stomach, silent tears soaking her shirt.

Tulip had to leave the room, she couldn't be there. She went into the kitchen and cried as she broke every breakable dish in there. Cassidy came in and saw the shattered bits of dishes and sat down at the table as Tulip continued to smash dishes, letting out an angry cry with every swing of her arm.

Cassidy was numb. Number than he'd ever been. No amount of alcohol or substance could ever get him to feel like this. It was surreal. It was unbearable. And in that moment he felt that, after all these years, the one thing that might actually kill him would be a broken heart. It couldn't hurt any worse if someone walked in and tore his heart out of his chest.

Jesse came down a few minutes later and made the call. Then he pulled out a chair and sat down and pulled Tulip into his lap where she buried her tear-streaked face into his shoulder.

Cassidy looked at Jesse and Jesse stared back, neither of them really seeing the other.

Cassidy rose from the table and left. He walked for a bit outside before collapsing to his knees in the dirt and letting out another gut-wrenching scream. It felt like he screamed forever. It felt like his insides were being scorched, like he himself couldn't get a breath, until finally he collapsed onto the dirt, his mind going black.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

Fall Away-Twenty One Pilots

I don't wanna fall, fall away

I don't wanna fall, fall away

I'll keep the lights on in this place

'Cause I don't wanna fall, fall away

"Come on," Jesse said, pulling the corner of the comforter.

"Hummmpphh."

"What was that?" Jesse asked pulled the comforter even more.

"Would you stop?" She said, turning over to face her brother.

"It's two in the afternoon," her brother pointed out. He raised an eyebrow, "Do I need to call-"

She flung the rest of the covers off of her and sat up quickly. "No! No. Do not call that man. He'll just put me back on those damn anti-depressants. I'd rather feel-" she motioned around and to herself, "all this instead of being numb. No way. I'm…"

"Fine?" Jesse finished for her, clearly not believing that.

She let out a sigh and flopped back onto the pillows. "Just, don't Jesse. I'll move into the livin' room if you want," she suggested.

"No can do," Jesse said.

She watched as he went over to her dresser and opened a drawer, plucking out a pair of skinny jeans and chucking them at her.

"Hey!" she said as the denim hit her face. She sat up again, "what are you doin'?"

He tossed a burgundy t-shirt at her as he answered, "We're goin' to the diner. You want your cardigan?"

She let out a groan. "Seriously? Do I have to?"

"Yes. You haven't left this house in a week. I'll be back in five minutes and you better be ready to go," he finished and then shut the door.

When he came back she was pulling on her scuffed up green Converse. He bent down and started to tie one of them.

"What on God's green earth are you doin'?"

"What's it look like? I'm helpin' my baby sister."

"I'm twenty-four. And I can tie my own shoe laces." She slapped his hands away and finished tying them herself. "Geez I wish you'd stop treatin' me like I'm incapable."

"I don't-I just." He sighed as he stood up from where he'd been kneeling. "I just don't know how to help."

"You already help plenty." She stood up and wrapped her arms around his middle. "You take me to all of my doctor's appointments, you make sure I eat, you check on me when I'm sleepin'…"

"How did-"

"You're a Preacher, not a ninja."

Jesse laughed as he hugged her back before she let go. "I hate seein' you like this, unable to get out of bed. It worries me."

She sighed. "It worries me too. But I'm okay. Okay?"

"Okay. Come on, let's go. We can stop by the bookstore on the way back."

Her face lit up. "Really?"

"Of course."

At the diner Emily went ahead and brought them their usual. She was using her cornbread to sop up the last of her vegetable soup when Emily sat down in the booth next to her.

"How you doin'? she asked her. "Want some dessert? We've got a slice of apple pie left?"

"Can I get a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the same?"

Emily smiled. "Sure, on the house."

"Thanks," she smiled as Emily got up.

"You know. I think she likes you Jesse."

Jesse nearly choked on his water. "What? No."

"Mmhmm."

"No. We're just friends."

"What about movin' on? You know, from…"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"All right," she sighed.

~O.o~

Jesse watched her as she browsed through the latest books to come in. He loved taking her there. It made her happy, well, the books did. She'd smile when they entered the store and take her time and he knew when she found the ones she was going to get, he could always see it in her face.

"Thanks for making me go out tonight. I needed that," she said when they got home.

"You're welcome. Don't stay up too late readin'," he yelled after her as she went to her room. He went over to the fridge and got a beer. He was worried about her. She was pulling more and more into herself, re-reading books she'd already read half a dozen times, binge watched TV shows, and she didn't hang out with anyone her age. As he finished his beer he resolved to try and get her out of the house more. What he didn't know was that a certain vampire on his way to town would be the one to help her the most.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Bright Lights-Thirty Seconds to Mars

I'm leaving, gone yesterday

Brutal, laughing, fighting, fucking

The price I had to pay

Bright lights, big city

She dreams of love.

Bright lights, big city

He lives to run

"Tell me about yourself, come on, now," Cassidy asked Jesse as he sat next to him in the jail cell.

"I came back to…years ago I made a promise. A couple of 'em. And I broke 'em. Broke 'em a thousand times," Jesse answered, hesitant to talk this guy he'd just met.

"Yeah, well, you know promises they're very nasty little things. I try to steer clear of 'em."

"No no, that's wrong, "Jesse started.

"Why?"

"Promises matter. It's the currency of faith."

"Oh look, no offense padre but, in my view, the world would be a much better place if all you faith types just call it a day and maybe…"

"Without faith we'd still be hittin' each other with dinosaur bones."

"The bloody hell do dinosaur…have you even seen the news lately? 'Cause we're hittin' each other with a lot worse things than bones boy-o. No, seriously. Listen to me now. Misery loves company does it not? It's the hope that sets men at one another's throats here. Take me for example, right? I have zero hope in this world, mate. And I'm bloody fantastic. Really, I am."

"Do you really believe that?"

Both boys looked up at the soft female voice that came from the other side of the bars.

"Course I do. Who are you?" he jerked his chin at her.

"This," Jesse said. "Is my sister."

"Well, nice to meet you lass."

"Same to you." Cassidy watched as she faced her brother and crossed her arms. "Really? Again?"

Cassidy chuckled, "Oh ho, not the first time the Preacher's been jailed?"

"Definitely not," she said and sighed as the sheriff came in to let her brother out.

"Thanks for your help back there," Jesse told Cassidy.

"Yeah, well, no worries. Grown men playin' make-believe is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, I'll be honest with ya."

She watched as her brother shook hands with the young man and they introduced themselves to each other.

When she first walked up on the other side of the bars Cassidy noticed her dark denim shorts with a rip over one of the front pockets, and the faded Led Zeppelin t-shirt, and the dark green Converse that had seen better days. He noticed her chestnut brown, chin length hair, and that the color of her eyes were the same as her brothers. He'd done nothing much but take in her general appearance and at first glance she was perfectly average.

It was when she was walking beside her brother and she took a second to look back at him that he really noticed her. When his eyes met hers through the bars she smiled at him. It was a genuine smile, open, he'd describe it as sweet as it met her eyes; eyes that had not a single drop of judgement in them and he couldn't help but smile back before she turned her head away as her brother spoke to her.

"You eat?"

"Emily brought me a plate."

"Yeah, but did you eat?"

"I'm too busy bailin' you out."

Cassidy smirked as they continued to banter and he caught himself replaying that smile from that decidedly not so average girl in his head.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Alright, another chapter for you guys! And our OC gets a name in this chapter too! Enjoy! And thank you for the follows, favorites and reviews!**

Chapter Five

Sound & Color-Alabama Shakes

A new world hangs outside the Window

Beautiful and strange

It must be I've fallen awake

"I thought you picked me up in the truck?" Jesse asked her when he saw Emily's van and her and her kids in it in the parking lot of the police station.

"I was on my way out when Emily showed up with the plates she'd made us for supper. She knew I'd been feelin' nauseous today so she offered to drive," she explained.

"You weren't feelin' well today? Why didn't you let me know? Did you take some of your nausea pills?" he asked, concerned. He liked to know whenever she wasn't feeling well, or as well as she could feel nowadays.

"Jesse, it's fine. I'm fine," she answered as she climbed into the back seat of the van and Jesse followed.

When they arrived home she sat in silence in the backseat next to her brother as he told Emily he was quitting, that he was done. This was news to her and she could see Emily was blindsided as well.

She watched Emily going back down the drive for a moment after they got out of the vehicle. She spoke up as she walked beside her brother. "You better be takin' me with you this time."

Jesse sighed. "Of course I am. I'm not leavin' you here. Not again. Not ever. I promised," he answered, pulling out a cigarette and avoiding her gaze as he lit it.

"Did you really make him make a bunny noise?"

Jesse laughed and she joined in, the tense air from seconds ago quickly evaporating.

As they continued their walk up the drive, Jesse's cell phone rang and he answered, but the siblings' attention went to the church as the light above the front steps began to flicker. More lights flickered from inside, accompanied by a banging noise as the church doors swung open then closed. They shared a look before quickening their pace. A chill ran down her spine as the doors continued to open and close of their own accord.

As they neared the front Jesse reached out and pulled her behind him. "Stay close to me," he ordered.

She nodded and bit down hard on her bottom lip as they entered the church, her heart speeding up. There was no way it was just the wind causing all of this. She had a fleeting thought that maybe it was a sign that Jesse, that they, shouldn't leave, and in all honesty she kind of hoped it was. She didn't want to leave. This was her home.

Once inside Jesse shut the doors behind them and then tried the light switch, but it didn't work. She was behind him as they went up the aisle, staying close enough to be able to reach out and grab the back of his suit jacket. Her eyes darted all around but there didn't seem to be anyone there. Her brother sat down and she followed suit, taking a seat next to him on the pew.

Jesse spoke, looking at the altar. "Eugene was right. It's quiet. All right. One last time and I want an answer. Right now, or that's it. I'm done."

She watched as he got down on his knees and when he started to speak she felt like she was watching a private moment, so she looked around once more then down at her hands which were tense in her lap.

"God…please forgive me." He let out a breath after a pause. "Yeah, thought as much," he said with a sigh as he sat back onto the pew and perched his feet up on the one in front of them. He was about to light a cigarette but stopped since she was next to him and they were in an enclosed space. He'd stopped doing that when she got sick, not wanting to make anything worse.

"You too," he said to God.

She moved to wrap a hand around his arm in reassurance when the doors creaked open. They both turned to look and Jesse rose to his feet, but she was stuck to the seat in fear. Pure fear as a shadow appeared on the floor of the aisle, and then she noticed some sort of form above it distorting the air, coming towards them. Her heart hammered in her chest and a cold sweat came over her as the form had enough force to move the pews as it came towards them. The siblings' faces wore the same shock and awe as it neared them and she could hear what sounded like a heartbeat on an ultrasound emanating from it, the rhythm growing quicker the closer it came.

She cried out as the form blasted her brother back. She finally seemed to be back in control of her own body as Jesse hit the floor and she leapt up from her seat.

~O.o~

A baby. She was just baby as Jesse held her in his arms, barely more than a year old, their father on his knees at gunpoint.

"You gotta be one of the good guys. Cause why?" his father asked him.

Jesse answered through his tears, "Cause there's way too many of the bad."

"You gotta teach her that too." His father's eyes flicked to the source of another cry filling the air. Jesse held his sister in his arms, her little face pressed into his shoulder, and Jesse didn't miss how his father's brave face faltered for a moment as he looked at his daughter. "You teach her that. You look out for her. You take care of her. You promise me?"

"I promise daddy," Jesse said, his own tears now streaming down his face.

"You stop that. We Custer's don't cry. We fight."

~O.o~

She'd tried to wake him for hours. He had a pulse and he was breathing, but he was burning up. She didn't think she could call 911, because she wasn't even sure what had happened. What would she say? 'Um 911 I think a ghost just knocked my brother out and possibly gave him a concussion?'

Cassidy had been released from jail early that morning, just before the sun was up, and decided to go looking for Jesse. When he entered the church he saw the girl from before, her knees pulled up to her chest as she sat looking at a prone figure. He ran to them and as he neared, she looked up to him and he could see the tears shining on her cheeks.

"I found him like this. He won't wake up," she said, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

Cassidy let out a low whistle. "Yeah, I've had worse, let me tell ya."

She glared at him and he held his hands up. "Okay, let's get him to his bed." He held a hand out and she took it, letting him pull her to her feet.

She watched as the man she'd met earlier pulled her brother up with minimal effort and pulled an arm around his shoulder. She did the same on her side and together they managed to get him to his room and on his bed.

"Can you help me get these clothes off of him?"

"Yeah, sure," Cassidy answered and together they got his shoes, pants, jacket, and shirt off and then put him in a clean shirt.

She left and then came back with a damp cloth. She climbed onto the bed and dabbed at Jesse's forehead with the cloth.

"You look exhausted," Cassidy said. "I can do that if you want to get some shut eye."

"No offense, but I don't even know you."

Cassidy made a face that said he didn't blame her.

"Proinsas Cassidy," he introduced himself. "But please, call me Cassidy. And you?"

"Elain Grace Custer. You can call me Elain. And thank you, Cassidy."

He stared at her for a moment, thinking about how he liked the way she'd just said his name. "Are you sure you don't want me to keep an eye on him while you get some sleep?"

"He's done this for me before. Everything he does for me, it's the least I can do."

"Oh, I see. Like brother like sister, eh?"

Elain shot him a look that said she was not in the mood for joking and he pursed his lips. "Right. I'll um, go see what I can do."

She woke up a few hours later, having passed out next to her brother. "Emily?" she said groggily when she saw her sitting in a chair.

"Hey. Cassidy told me what happened. I can look after him for a while if you want to get somethin' to eat, shower, take your medicine," she trailed off.

She could see the worry on Emily's face, although this wasn't the first time Jesse had been found passed out somewhere. She got off the bed. "Thank you."

~O.o~

Three days. He'd been out for three days. He was relieved when his sister told him all she told Cassidy and Emily was that she'd gone looking for him before bed and found him that way, figuring they would chalk it up to alcohol. They both agreed to keep whatever had happened a secret, at least until they could figure out exactly what it was that had happened. She told him after he was blasted back that the phantom, or whatever it was, had disappeared. She'd hugged him longer than she normally did and he reassured her he was fine and told her to go get ready for church.

~O.o~

After the sermon Elain caught up with Jesse. He'd looked at her pointedly a few times during his speech and she just wanted to reassure him. He seemed to need a lot of that lately. They both did. Him reassuring her that she'd continue to feel better and her reassuring him that he was good, that he was doing good being back here.

"You know, I know you feel like you've failed your flock. And I'm glad you've decided to give it your all, but you should know, you haven't failed me. None of what you said up there was true when it comes to me, I know you think that, but it's not."

"But I _have_ failed you. There's no excuse for that."

"That's in the past Jesse. I've told you, I forgive you for that. And you've more than made up for it. I'm proud of you, for what you did up there today." She smiled up at her brother.

Jesse smiled back. "Hey, are you okay with Cassidy stayin' here? I mean if it bothers you, I can tell him to leave."

"No, no he's harmless. A bit…eccentric. But he says he wants to help out and he needs a place to stay so, it'd be the Christian thing to do to at least give him a chance."

Before either of them could say anything else Tulip came over and slung an arm around Elain to pull her in for an affectionate hug. "How you doin' Honeybee?"

Elain rolled her eyes at the nickname, but realized she was glad to hear it. "I'm all right."

"Mind tellin' me why you've got hair?" Tulip looked pointedly at her then at Jesse.

"You've been gone awhile," she answered.

Tulip's eyebrows rose, her arm still wrapped around Elain.

"We stopped chemo," Jesse explained.

"And why the hell would you do somethin' like that? Unless…"

Before Tulip's eyes could light up Jesse spoke again, "She's still sick, Tulip. But the chemo, there was no improvement after that first bit. It was just making her sick all the time. The doctor said it would be best to let things take their natural course and we agreed. The medicine she's on helps a bit. But…" Jesse smiled down at his sister. "The Lord works in mysterious ways and she's been doin' well. Better than either of us expected. I'm hungry, come on sis," Jesse said, pulling her away from Tulip and toward the barbecue, casseroles, cobblers, deviled eggs, and jell-o salads laid out on tables set up in the church yard.


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Two chapters for you guys! Enjoy!**

Chapter Six

Smile-Mikky Ekko

Smile, the worst is yet to come

We'll be lucky if we ever see the sun

Got nowhere to go, we could be here for a while

But the future is forgiven, so smile

We're trying so hard to get it all right

But only feel lonely at the end of the night

And I wanna be somewhere away from this place

Yeah, somewhere just a little closer to grace

Cassidy had been living with them for a few days when Elain woke to find him filling the chair next to the couch in the living room. It was after noon and she'd fallen asleep binge watching _Supernatural_.

"Oy, look at you, you missed the last three episodes. Dean's done been to hell and back and everythin,' but judgin' by the fact that you have the seasons on DVD you've probably already seen them. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of changing out the discs," Cassidy said.

She pulled herself up and stretched. "I don't mind," she said as she kicked the purple blanket she was wrapped up in off of her. Her stomach grumbled and she rose from the couch.

"Are you hungry?" She pulled out a pan and set it on the stove to pre-heat on low as she buttered two slices of bread to make a grilled cheese sandwich.

"Sure."

"So are you a vampire? I mean, staying in the attic. Total vampire-y move there."

Cassidy's face flushed but he just laughed and she laughed back, missing the sigh of relief he let out when he realized that she had just been joking. Of course she was, there was no way she would know what he was.

Jesse came into the living room a few hours later to find his sister and Cassidy sitting on opposite ends of the couch, their eyes glued to the screen.

"Oh no," Jesse groaned. "She's pulled you in."

Cassidy got up from the couch and crossed in front of her. "It's a good show! Have you seen Sam's hair? It's glorious! And that Dean Winchester could charm the pants off me any day, I tell ya."

She laughed at Cassidy's words and he looked back to flash a grin at her as he followed her brother out of the room.

She and Cassidy spent the rest of the week watching all ten seasons of _Supernatural_ and when Dean opened his eyes and they were black, Cassidy literally jumped off the couch and started yelling profanities at the TV. A couple minutes later and he sat back down, running a hand through his hair.

"Are you okay Cassidy?" she asked, grinning at his enthusiasm. It wasn't exactly new, he'd been up and down and flinging his arms out and cursing throughout their binge watching. She might have had more fun watching him react to the show than watching the actual show.

He rested his elbows on his knees and dragged his hands down his face. "This show is a roller coaster. I feel...I feel like I'm hungover or somethin' now. I mean, how in the bloody hell are they goin' to fix that?" He motioned to the TV.

"I guess you'll have to start the next season and see."

~O.o~

Elain opened her eyes and froze. Cassidy was comfortably slumped down on the couch and her head was resting on his shoulder. She slowly raised her head up and looked at Cassidy.

"Sorry," she said sheepishly, not sure if her face was hot from being wrapped up in the blanket or from the realization that she'd used the shoulder of someone that was practically a stranger as a pillow.

"Oh I don't mind. I do need to take a piss somethin' fierce though."

She chuckled and moved back over to her side of the couch. "You could have moved me or woke me."

"Nah. It was kinda nice actually," he admitted.

She regarded him and the smile he was now giving her for a moment before moving her gaze to the TV to see what episode he was watching. "Geeze I missed the whole episode?"

"That's the second time you've fallin' asleep watchin' the show. Maybe it's all that readin' you do at night. Are you sure you aren't the vampire here?"

He raised a questioning eyebrow at her and she laughed but then it turned into a cough, and she couldn't get the coughing to stop. Cassidy rose from the couch and came back with a glass of water which she took with a grateful smile. She drank deeply and patted her chest a bit, as if that would help. It seemed like the water did the trick and Cassidy headed out of the room. She waited for a little bit so they could finish the season but after about ten minutes she realized that he hadn't gone to the bathroom, he'd left. Not being sure why he'd done so all of a sudden or why it even seemed to bother her she turned off the TV and went to take a shower. Exhausted, despite the nap, she went to bed after her shower and woke for a second in the middle of the night when her door creaked open. She squinted an eye in the darkness to see her definitely not a ninja brother checking on her. He'd probably heard her coughing fit earlier and gotten worried.

She didn't see Cassidy again until the next afternoon when they resumed their places on opposite ends of the couch and finished the rest of season ten.

"So what are your plans for the evenin'?" Cassidy asked her as he stretched.

She shrugged. "Probably just read for the rest of the night."

"Oh, come on," Cassidy started, placing his arm on the back of the couch and turning to face her. "You've gotta' do somethin' other than binge watch and read."

She looked away from his gaze. "I'm not a very interesting person."

"Oh that's not true. You've got nothin' to do in town? People to hang out with?"

"I hang out with Jesse. Sometimes I watch Emily's kids." She hesitated. "I don't really have any friends."

"Oh that's not true. You got me," Cassidy said, motioning to himself. His eyes flicked to her mouth as she bit her lip, trying to hide her smile. "Come on. Let's you and me do somethin'."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Well you tell me. What is there to do in this place?"

"Well, there's a movie theater and a bowling alley."

"Bowling! That's it!" Cassidy hopped up from the couch.

"What? Really?"

"Yeah, come on."

"Right now?" Was he serious?

"Yeah, right now. We vampires are wastin' precious moonlight."

She laughed at what seemed to have become their own inside joke, not knowing that for Cassidy it was the truth.

"At least let me change into somethin' else real quick," she said as she got up from the couch.

She changed from her soft cloth shorts into a pair of skinny jeans and exchanged her t-shirt for a white cami under a soft, loose burgundy tank top. She stared at herself in the mirror over her dresser and even though she usually only wore them on Sunday mornings she decided to wear her pearl earrings and a swipe of pinky-nude lipstick. As she was slipping on her shoes she realized she was pretty excited about actually going out and doing something, but then she stopped as a wave of anxiety washed over her. She looked to the door, hesitating. Did she really want to go? Should she? What if Cassidy didn't really want to hang out with her and was just being nice? What if they hung out and he ended up just finding her annoying? She shook her head to try and clear away the negative thoughts and took a few deep breaths, breathing in through her nose and out through her mouth. They'd finished watching _Supernatural_ together and she realized that she enjoyed spending time with him, even if they didn't do much talking. There was something about him, although she wasn't sure what exactly that something was, that she liked. She finished tying her shoes and headed back out to the living room.

Cassidy was waiting, twirling the keys to the church van around his finger.

"Speaking of bowling, have you ever seen _The Big Lebowski_?"

"Once. I didn't really like it."

Cassidy put his arm around her shoulders as they left the living room. "I think you and I are gonna' get along real well."

~O.o~

Jesse was in the kitchen when Cassidy and Elain entered the house through the kitchen door, both of them caught up in a fit of laughter.

"Where have you two been? It's ten o'clock." Jesse's voice was stern but Elain easily detected the worry in it.

Elain and Cassidy stopped laughing and glanced at one another as Jesse watched them from his seat at the kitchen table, a beer in his hand.

"We were bowlin' padre."

Jesse's eyebrows practically shot into his hairline. "You went bowlin'?"

Elain and Cassidy nodded.

Jesse looked at Elain. "You…went out."

"Yeah. It was Cassidy's idea."

Jesse watched as his sister smiled up at Cassidy and asked, "Well did you have fun?"

"Yes. It was great." She turned to Cassidy and wrapped her arms around his waist for just a few seconds. "Thanks Cassidy. Night."

"Night," Cassidy said back, smiling at her as she headed to her room.

"You could have at least left a note or took your phone with you!" Jesse yelled after her.

She stopped in the hallway and cringed a bit. Of course he'd be worried when he came home and found her gone and she'd left her cell phone on her dresser. She'd been so wrapped up in going out that it hadn't occurred to her.

"Sorry Jesse! I promise I'll let you know next time!" Elain yelled back.

Jesse shook his head and Cassidy pulled out a chair after getting a beer from the fridge. "Thank you Cassidy."

"For what padre?"

"For gettin' her outta the house. I've had a hard time doin' that lately."

"Well I figured she's been cooped up in here since I got here. And you know most people just tolerate me, but she's actually nice to me." He looked down the hallway towards her room. "Real nice," he said to himself. He looked back at Jesse. "For a preacher's sister she sure does laugh hard at my dirty jokes. Soda literally came out of her nose at one point!"

Jesse laughed. "Are you serious right now?"

"Yeah! I mean soda all over our score cards. The game was pretty much over at that point anyway, but it was the funniest thing I've seen in a while."

Jesse shook his head. He would have liked to have seen that. He hadn't seen her get lost in laughter in a while. Perhaps Cassidy wasn't quite what Jesse had first assumed. "Well as long as you two are just friends I don't have a problem with you two spendin' time together," he told Cassidy.

"Oh, yeah. Of course. No funny business with your sister Jesse." He waved a hand in front of him, dismissing the idea. "Wouldn't dream of it."

Jesse eyed Cassidy for a second before taking his word for it.


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: A big thank you to everyone who has favorited and followed this story! And thank you so much to everyone who left a review! Enjoy this next chapter! And yeah, I totally stole the song choice from season 2 ep. 1.**

Chapter Seven

Come on Eileen-Dexys Midnight Runners

It was the Sunday after Elain and Cassidy went bowling. She hadn't had a drop of soda since, the memory of the carbonation burning her nostrils was still fresh, but she couldn't help but smile whenever she thought about it. Cassidy had almost fallen out of the seat across from her as she tried to not laugh along with him and wiped her face and tried to clean off their score cards. She'd been momentarily mortified that she'd done that in front of him, but she quickly began to laugh at herself and at what had just happened.

That's what she was thinking about as she dressed for the service that morning, pulling on a white cotton sundress that stopped just passed her knees. Jesse decided to perform Baptisms for those who were willing to ask Christ into their hearts as their Lord and Savior after the day's sermon. She decided she would participate. She'd asked Christ into her life years ago, but had never actually been baptized.

She was now headed for her usual seat on the very back pew when she heard a whistle. Her eyes snapped up to see Cassidy leaning over the railing of the attic. "You look awfully pretty this mornin'," he started, coming down the stairs, his eyes not leaving her.

She blushed as he stopped in front of her. "Thank you."

"I take it you're participatin' in the wet t-shirt contest later?" he joked, his eyes a bit bloodshot.

She laughed before saying, "Very funny."

"I've never had much faith myself."

She wasn't quite sure what to say to that. She knew what her brother would say, so she went with that. "It's never too late to have faith."

Instead of responding Cassidy reached out a tattooed hand and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her left ear. His fingers were gentle as he smiled down at her and traced the outer shell of her ear. He was a good seven inches taller than her and heat rose to her cheeks at the way he was looking down at her. Cassidy dropped his hand and they both looked behind her as Jesse came down the aisle toward them. Elain didn't miss how Cassidy took a big step back from her.

"You look lovely Elain," Jesse said, pulling his sister in for a hug and pressing a kiss to her hair.

"Thanks," she said, smiling at him.

"Well, service is about to start," he stated as Emily went to open the doors to the front of the church.

Elain took her seat on the back pew and Cassidy sat down next to her, immediately slumping down in his seat. The two of them watched as Jesse stood in the entryway and greeted everyone as they entered.

~O.O~

After the baptisms Elain stood at the counter in the kitchen stirring sugar and milk into a mug of black tea and half-listening to Cassidy ask Emily for an advance in pay. She was lost in thought about why Tulip had shown up in the middle of service, and then participated in the baptisms. It was obvious Jesse was having a hard time with Tulip being back in town. She knew about what happened with them, Carlos, the baby, but only the barest of details. Something was up though and as much as she loved Tulip she would look out for her brother first.

"You okay?"

Elain blinked to see that Cassidy was now in front of her. "Yeah. Fine," she said, pulling out of her thoughts.

"Good, 'cause you're gonna' send me to the Sunken Place stirrin' that like that," he nodded towards the cup.

Elain stopped stirring and placed the spoon in the sink. "Very funny."

"Well, I've been told I'm pretty hilarious," he smiled.

Elain just shook her head and sipped from her mug. "Did you enjoy the sermon?"

"Oh, yeah. It was great. Good stuff."

"Really? So great I had to elbow you for snoring?" She smirked at him.

Cassidy chuckled. "I was multitaskin'," he said, trying to sound serious.

Elain let out a loud laugh and Jesse looked over from where he was talking to Emily.

"They seem to be gettin' along pretty well," Emily noted.

"Yeah," Jesse replied, still watching as his sister laughed at something else Cassidy said. He didn't particularly like how Cassidy seemed to move closer to her with every sentence.

"I haven't seen her laugh so much in a while," Emily observed. "I trust Cassidy with her about as far as I can throw him, but if he can make her laugh like that, maybe he's not all bad. Maybe."

"Yeah," Jesse said, eyes still on the two of them. "Maybe."

~O.O~

Cassidy had been thinking about Elain more and more. As much as he tried, as much as he knew he shouldn't, he couldn't stop the attraction he felt towards her. She was kinder to him than anyone he could remember. Most people barely tolerated him, but she actually listened to him when he talked and so far she hadn't judged him for anything, at least as far as he could tell. He easily got lost in her brown eyes, how bright they'd get when he'd ask her what she was reading, how her smile met her eyes when he told a joke and how she made him feel like those smiles were just for him. She looked at him like, like he might be actually worth something. That was something Cassidy hadn't felt in a century.

Elain was curled up under a blanket, on top of her bed that evening when he knocked on her door, informing her Jesse had gone to town and asking her if she wanted to ride with him in the church van to go get some ice cream.

She didn't even think about her answer. Instead she hopped out of bed. Cassidy leaned in the doorway, watching as she ran a brush through her hair and pulled on her socks and Converse. She had changed into jean shorts and a grey t-shirt after everyone was gone after the usual potluck lunch. "Ready," she said.

They were halfway to town now, and Elain's stomach was full of butterflies. She silently berated herself. It wasn't like it was a date. It was just ice cream between two friends. 'That's all', she told herself. She took some deep breaths anyway, trying to calm her nerves. She'd be lying to herself if she said she wasn't attracted to him. She found him funny and despite some of the outlandish things, and downright inappropriate things, that came out of his mouth she found him sweet and endearing. He made her laugh, really laugh. When they'd gone bowling he had her smiling so much her cheeks had started to hurt. Here she was for the second time in the span of a few days foregoing reading and hiding at home to venture to town with Cassidy.

She reached over and turned the radio up as she realized _Come on Eileen_ was coming through the speakers.

"You like this song?" Cassidy asked her.

"It's a good song," she answered, nodding her head to the music.

"Too ra loo ra!" she began and Cassidy grinned at her before joining in.

"Too ra loo rye aye! And we can sing just like our fathers!" They sang in unison.

Elain was doing a little dance in her seat and Cassidy was dividing his attention between her and the road as they continued to sing along.

"Come on Eileen, oh I swear what he means

At this moment, you mean everything

You in that dress, my thoughts I confess

Verge on dirty

Ah, come on Eileen!"

They sang what they knew of the rest of the song in-between bursts of laughter, and when it was over Cassidy said, "You're singin' is terrible."

Elain pretended to be insulted. "Well you're no pop star!" They both kept laughing and throwing half-hearted insults about the others singing until they reached the only ice cream shop in town.

A few minutes later they were at a booth by the window, the sky now fully dark outside. "Thanks for the ice cream Cass," she said.

"It's no problem," he answered. He ate from his own cone of triple chocolate, watching as her tongue lapped up a drop of mint chocolate chip that was escaping over the side of her cone.

"What?" She asked. "Is there ice cream on my face?" Before he could answer she reached for a napkin and wiped around her mouth just in case.

His eyes met hers as he sat back in the booth with a small smirk on his face. "You called me Cass."

"And?" she inquired. "Do you not want me to? I can call you Cassidy."

"No, no. You just haven't called me that before. I like it when you say it," he smiled, almost sheepishly.

She smiled back but quickly averted her gaze to her ice cream as she felt heat fill her cheeks.

After they finished their ice cream in silence Cassidy held the door open for her as they left and Elain bid goodnight to the employee wiping down the counter.

"So," Cassidy asked. "Where to?"

"Home I guess. I'm…feelin' kinda tired actually," she looked at him as he fished the keys to the van out of his pants pocket. And she was. She hadn't even taken a nap that day and she'd stayed up late reading. It was starting to catch up with her.

"Alright. Home it is."

It was dark by the time they got back and Jesse's truck was parked in front. They headed inside to find Jesse sitting in a pew, in the dark. Elain bid them goodnight and left Jesse and Cassidy to talk.

Hours later and Elain was standing only a few feet from where her brother lay unconscious as she shrieked, "What the fuck!?"

 **AN: So the Sunken Place bit is a reference to the movie** ** _Get Out_** **. I'm pretty sure the film wasn't actually out when this episode aired but I couldn't help it.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Another one! Thank you for the follows and favorites! Enjoy and please review!**

Chapter Eight

Don't Fear the Reaper-Blue Oyster Cult

Come on baby, don't fear the reaper

Baby take my hand, don't fear the reaper

We'll be able to fly, don't fear the reaper

Baby I'm your man

Cassidy's eyes widened and he turned his head to look at Elain from where he was resting against a pew, freshly healed and covered in blood. He realized as he got up from the floor that he'd forgotten all about her in the melee.

Elain had been reading in bed when she heard what sounded like a gunshot, a chainsaw, and then more gunshots. She'd been too curious to see what the hell was going on. She'd checked Jesse's room first, but when he wasn't there, or in the kitchen or living room, she began to panic and headed toward the noise. She'd come in just as Cassidy was beating one of them over the head with a bible.

She stood staring at Cassidy, at the bloodshed and the two dead men before her, killed by the guy she was only beginning to admit to herself that she was falling for. A queasiness was forming in her stomach. A part of her was relieved Cassidy was okay, telling herself that he wouldn't kill two people for nothing, but she was also terrified at how he'd viciously taken them out, how he'd seemed to enjoy it.

"How…how much did you see?" Cassidy asked, walking toward her, starting to panic slightly. He'd been so desperate to get some blood in him to heal that he hadn't noticed her. Normally he wouldn't care if someone found out what he was, but this was different and she'd seen him in action. He stopped immediately when she took a step back and his heart started to pound in his chest, not because of what he'd just been doing, but because of the way she was now looking at him. Fear was shining in her eyes as he stood not two feet in front of her.

"Enough to know you should be dead," she answered, her voice quiet but firm.

"And why exactly do you think that is?" he asked, keeping preternaturally still. The last thing he wanted was for her to turn and run out of fear of him.

"I saw you…drinking their blood…after you…you…"

He held his hands out in front of him, fingers spread. "I'm not gonna' hurt you. I would never hurt you Elain." Something softened in Elain's eyes at him speaking her name, at the sincerity in his voice, but she couldn't help but be disturbed at the scene before her. What little light there was in the room glinted off Cassidy's red hands and he remembered they were currently covered in blood so he dropped them.

Her next words surprised him. "You have no idea how to fix the air conditionin' do you?"

"Not a bloody clue," he answered, letting out a small sigh of relief.

"You were…those men were after my brother?"

"No, they were after me." Cassidy said, watching her as she kneeled down next to Jesse, checking on him.

"Because of…what you are?"

"And do you know what I am?" he asked softly, carefully.

It was Cassidy's turn to have fear shine in his eyes. Fear of what she would think of him. The real him. The monster. Now that she'd found out who the man she'd been spent so much of the last couple weeks smiling at really was.

"Tell me," she said, staring at him. She wasn't even sure she could get the word out. It just seemed so absolutely ludicrous. She couldn't say it.

"I'm a vampire. A hundred and nineteen actually, but who's countin'. "

She looked away from Cassidy and back at her brother. "Is he gonna' to be all right?"

"Yeah, he's just drunk."

"That doesn't surprise me," she huffed out as she stood, crossing her arms over her chest. "Does he know?"

He knew what she was asking about. "No."

"Are you gonna' tell him?"

Cassidy shrugged his shoulders.

They stood an arm's length from one another, the air thick with tension and the coppery scented tang of blood.

"What were you doin' comin' in here to investigate anyway?" Cassidy asked.

"I…I don't know. I just heard the noise and I couldn't find Jesse and…"

He took a step toward her and was inwardly relieved when she didn't step away from him this time. "You could've been hurt," he said, concern in his voice.

He was right, of course. But she'd been frozen in shock and fear. She literally couldn't move once she was a few feet in that room, not even as the still working chainsaw moved toward her brother or as she watched the man she'd been falling for lick blood off of the floor. "I-I need to go lie down," Elain said, reaching up to run a hand over her face. There was a light sheen of sweat coating her skin and she involuntary shivered.

"Now that right there is an excellent idea. I'll take care of the mess before Jesse even wakes up."

Before Elain could respond Cassidy watched as her eyes went wide and she turned, vomiting onto the floor. "Shite," he spit out as he hurried to her. He held her hair back from her face as she dry-heaved, her hands clutching her stomach as she bent over. "It's all right. I've got you," he reassured, his voice at her ear.

"Ugh," she groaned, trying to get a handle on the nausea. Cassidy wrapped an arm around her waist as she straightened up. "Thanks. I'm gonna' go back to my room now," she mumbled, avoiding his gaze.

Cassidy reluctantly let go of her and watched as she made her way back the way she came. He turned to the room before him and surveyed it before bending to start up the chainsaw and pick it up. "Right. Say hello to my little friend."

~O.O~

Elain was in the bathroom. She was standing in her bra and underwear in front of the sink, scrubbing away the blood that had transferred from Cassidy to her arm and cheek when he'd held her hair back. She mused that that was sweet of him, while also still being terrified at what she'd witnessed. He had kept Jesse from being hurt and if those men were coming after Cass, then they deserved it right?

She was pulled out of her thoughts when there was a knock on the door.

"Hold on." She quickly dressed in fresh PJs as the ones she'd been wearing were now in the trash. As she'd brushed her teeth she noticed they had also been smeared with some blood thanks to Cassidy's help. She opened the door to see him standing there shirtless.

"Feelin' okay now?" he asked, concerned.

She nodded, trying to keep her eyes on his face, not his bare chest which was currently at eye level.

"Well, it's all cleaned up. I was goin' to get rid of the bodies but the suns up so I figured I'd shower instead."

"So the sun thing is true?"

"Oh yeah," he said like this was a perfectly normal conversation to be having. Elain realized that for him, it probably was, at least every time someone found out what he was.

"Jesse?"

"Still out cold. Want me to move him?"

"Nah. That's what he gets for drinkin' so much. Emily will probably wake him. Won't be the first time."

Cassidy chuckled, not bothering to tell Elain it was his fault her brother was out cold as things were already tense between them. They both remained standing on either side of the door frame. "Are you sure you're all right?" he asked. There it was, that concern in his voice, but he was also hesitant, because he wanted to pull her to him and reassure her that everything was fine. They could continue on like normal, like he wasn't a monster, even though he knew he was.

"I'm fine," she assured him quietly. "Pretty tired."

This time Cassidy didn't hesitate. He placed his hand against her cheek and gently tilted her face up so she'd look at him. "Seriously though," he said, his thumb stroking her cheek. "What if you'd gotten hurt heading into the source of danger like that. You could've been killed even."

"It's not like that would real-" she stopped mid-sentence, catching herself. She shook her head and Cassidy dropped his hand. "Never mind. I'm really tired Cass. Night."

She brushed passed him and his brow furrowed. He hadn't missed a word of that almost sentence and was now wondering why on earth she'd say something like that. He reminded himself that he didn't really know her all that well despite the attraction he was most certainly feeling and resolved to get to know her more. Properly. If that was what she wanted. After what she'd just witnessed, he wasn't sure she would want to even be around him. That thought sent a slight panic through him. He'd spent a good amount of time with her since he'd ended up in this town, even if she wasn't interested in him the same way he was, he still wanted to be around her.


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Another one for you all! A tiny bit of some mature stuff here, but no lemons. Thank you for the follows and favorites!**

Chapter 9

Is There Somewhere-Halsey

White Sheets, bright lights, crooked teeth and the night life

You told me this is right where it begins

But your lips hang heavy underneath me

And I promised myself I wouldn't let you complete me

I'm trying not to let it show, that I don't wanna let this go

Is there somewhere you can meet me?

'Cause I clutched your arms like stairway railings

And you clutched my brain and eased my ailing

Elain spent almost the rest of the day in bed, sleeping on and off. She would sleep for a few hours, then wake to drink some water and end up musing over Cass. Eventually her thoughts concerning him would lull her back to sleep.

Elain was lying down on her bed, her head resting on Cassidy's bare chest and one of her arms draped over his skinny waist. Warm, 'he was so warm', she thought as she snuggled further into his embrace. He had one of his arms around her, holding her to him. His other arm moved to pull her on top of him so she was straddling him. She giggled at the sudden change and bent down to kiss him firmly on the lips, her entire body humming with satisfaction as she felt his erection grow beneath her. When she pulled away her eyes went wide. There was blood on Cass' mouth that hadn't been there before. She reached up and wiped her mouth with shaking fingers and when she pulled them away, there was blood on them as well. She looked back to Cass to see him smiling, fangs protruding, and his eyes darkened, looking like an animal that had its prey right where it wanted.

Elain's eyes snapped open and it took her a moment to wake up. She sat up, seeing the sun was beginning to go down through her window. She'd sweated profusely due to the dream so she got up and grabbed some clean clothes and went to take a shower.

Cassidy, like Elain, spent most of the day asleep. Laying on his makeshift mattress in the attic he ended up mulling over what happened. The way Elain had taken a step back from him, how she'd been afraid to even utter the word vampire. The negative thoughts were coming at him from all directions, but finally, exhausted, he managed to fall asleep.

~O.O~

Jesse checked in on Elain that afternoon before he went to his appointment. When he got back she was in the bathroom and he knocked on the door, forgetting about the chain around his ankle, thanks to Tulip, for a minute.

"Are you all right?" he asked through the door.

"Yeah," she hollered back. "Fine."

"You eat anythin'?"

He stepped back when she opened the door, steam from her shower billowing into the hallway. "I'm about to heat up some soup."

"Soup? You feelin' nauseous? You need a nausea pill?"

"I…" she paused, unsure of what to say. She didn't want to lie to him, but she couldn't tell him about what happened last night with Cassidy. That she'd spent so long mulling everything over in the shower her stomach was in knots and soup was probably all she could stomach. "I'm fine." Her gaze went to the floor where she spotted the chain around his ankle. "What is that?" she asked, slightly horrified.

"Tulip."

At that Elain understood and her mouth became a thin line before she busted into laughter.

"It's not funny. She wants me to go after Carlos with her," Jesse said, unamused.

She reigned in her laughter. "Sorry. Are you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Cause I'm not that kind of person anymore. And I don't wanna' leave you."

"Well you'll be back and it won't take you long right?" Normally she would be worried at the thought of Jesse leaving again, but this time was different. He'd be back. He'd promised he'd never leave her like that again. She knew how much getting revenge on Carlos meant to Tulip, especially since she'd come by a few days ago and talked to her about it. Tulip had then tried to convince Elain to go to Toadvine with her so they could clean up. When Elain and Tulip got together to play cards, they always went home winners. They had their own language and Tulip had taught Elain how to use her innocent personality to their advantage, distracting the guys with shy little smiles and glances and well-placed lip biting. Jesse had witnessed it once and had been furious afterwards. She hadn't played a game since.

"I'll be fine," she assured him. "You can have Emily check in on me if it'll make you feel better."

He shook his head and turned away, and that was that.

She sat at the kitchen table across from Jesse, slowly eating her soup. When he'd been about to light a cigarette out of frustration she raised a brow at him and pointed at herself, reminding him he wasn't supposed to smoke inside anymore. She was watching him saw away at the chain when Eugene came in. "Hey Eugene," she greeted him.

"Uh, hey Elain. How are you?" he asked, his words muffled as always.

"Okay. You?"

"Same. I actually came to talk to Preacher."

"I'll leave you alone then," she said, getting up and taking her food to her room.

When she came back both Jesse and Eugene were gone. She placed her empty bowl in the sink and a movement caught her eye.

As she neared the figure she'd seen in the window she realized that it was Cassidy, shoveling dirt. And she quickly realized, her face going red, that he was shirtless. She watched as the muscles in his back rippled with his movements.

He turned to face her, having sensed her as soon she opened the door. "Hey there. Just buryin' those fellas from last night."

She nodded and was content to watch as he finished filling in the hole. She caught herself biting her lip and looked away. Even though he hadn't seen it a blush still crept across her cheeks.

Cassidy was well aware she was watching his every movement and couldn't help the smile on his face as he turned to her again, dropping the shovel and walking closer to her.

He had a big smudge of dirt on his left shoulder and Elain reached up to wipe it off. Her stomach flipping as she touched his warm skin. Warm, just like her dream. Instead of backing away though, she stepped closer and Cass went still as she looked up at him. Her hand was still on his shoulder, sending a shiver through him at how gentle her touch was.

She took him by surprise when she stood on her toes and tentatively pressed her lips to his. When she pulled back a bit of fear went through her as she was reminded of her dream, but she breathed a sigh of relief to see his lips weren't bloody.

Cassidy stared at her, waiting for her to decide what to do. He was rather pleased when she kissed him again, the arm she'd had on his shoulder now reaching up to the nape of his neck as she pressed closer to him. Her other hand clutched his forearm as he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her flush against him. When she parted her lips Cassidy slipped his tongue past, deepening the kiss. She whimpered and his stomach did a little flip at the sound. Her lips were soft and gentle against his and when her nails scraped deliciously against the skin at the nape of his neck he let out a growl.

Elain jolted back at the animalistic sound, surprising them both.

"I…" she stammered, her eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that."

"No," he held his hands out in front of him. "It's fine. I was enjoying it, really."

She reached up and ran a hand through her hair. "I'm so stupid," she said to herself.

"What? Why would you say something like that?"

"We can't…I can't do this. We can't be anything. We can't-I'm sorry."

He could see tears forming in her eyes before she turned away and ran back to the house.

"I didn't think I was that bad of a kisser," he told himself, trying not to feel rejected and failing. She'd just made herself perfectly clear. She'd had a taste and didn't want him. She must have remembered in the middle of making out with him what he was. That she was kissing a monster. Now, with the taste of her mint lip balm still on his lips, he cursed and kicked the dirt. As he let out a yell of frustration Cassidy hated who he was, what he was, more fiercely than he had in quite some time.

Elain heard a faint yell as she paced in her room. She knew it was Cassidy. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have just lost control and kissed him like that? She groaned in frustration and wiped her eyes, moving to sit on the edge of her bed. She grabbed a stuffed animal cow she'd had since she was little, a present from Jesse, and hugged it to her chest. She could still taste Cassidy on her lips, in her mouth. He'd been surprisingly gentle, letting her set the pace and keeping his arms wrapped around her waist. He hadn't moved them to touch her anywhere except for his thumbs rubbing circles into her skin at the small of her back as he held her against him.

She flopped back on the bed. "Why now?" she whispered to herself. Because if she wasn't sick, she couldn't say for sure that she wouldn't have invited him to her bedroom, especially with the wetness that had pooled between her thighs during that kiss. She would have been nervous about the fact that she was still a virgin, but she wasn't totally innocent. There was a guy that she'd gone to second base with, but it had ended when he proved himself to be a total ass. She decided to take her mind off of what had just happened so she took out her iPod and placed it on its dock, setting it to a playlist titled "Misfit" and cranking up the volume loud enough to drown out her thoughts.


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I'm back ya'll! Thank you to everyone who has stuck with this story and a hello to all of the newer followers since I last updated! So I also recently became a college graduate and to celebrate I'm going to finally update!**

 **To the guest reviewer: For the song "Cancer" that I used while writing Chapter One I listened to the version by Twenty One Pilots instead of the MCR one.**

 **Enjoy!**

Chapter Ten

The Run and Go-Twenty One Pilots

Don't wanna call you in the nighttime

Don't wanna give you all my pieces

Don't wanna hand you all my trouble

Don't wanna give you all my demons

You'll have to watch me struggle

From several rooms away

But tonight I'll need you to stay

Elain woke early the next morning. She was in the kitchen stirring milk into her black tea when Emily came through the door.

"Mornin' Elain," Emily greeted her.

"Mornin' Emily."

"Feelin' all right today?"

"Yeah I guess," Elain replied, concentrating on not burning her fingers as she took a piece of toast out of the toaster.

"You seen your brother? Or Cassidy?" Emily asked.

Elain shook her head.

"Well, let me know if you need anythin' alright?"

"Will do. Thanks Emily."

A few minutes later and Elain was back in her room, munching on her slice of buttered toast and sipping from her mug of tea, all while wondering about what she would say when she inevitably saw Cassidy again. Last night she went from cursing herself for kissing him, to being glad that she had. Before she had dozed off she finally admitted to herself that she did like him and she really wanted to kiss him again, but her being sick also interrupted that train of thought. She didn't think it would be fair to him, especially since he had no idea she was even sick. She also wasn't sure if she could do that to herself, get so close to someone and only have who knew how long left to be with them. She had just finished her last bite of toast when she heard some odd sounds coming from the other room.

~O.o~

"Hop and tell me a secret," Jesse commanded Cassidy.

"I like Justin Bieber. Shite."

"Hop and tell me the governor of Texas."

"Bloody Chuck Norris I don't know that," Cassidy said, hopping.

"Hop and tell me another secret."

"Last night I kissed Elain…shite shite shite."

Jesse's eyes narrowed at Cassidy as he said, "Box. Faster. Faster. FLY!"

Elain came into the room just as her brother told Cassidy to fly. Her mouth opened and a little scream came out when Cassidy launched himself into the wall with a loud crunch and fell back onto the hard floor.

"Shit Cass. You Okay."

"It's awesome."

"What the hell is goin' on?!" Elain yelled.

"Oh uh…" Jesse started, watching as his sister went over to Cassidy.

"I'm alright," Cassidy said, rubbing the back of his head with a wince.

Elain wasn't convinced and as Jesse helped Cassidy up she went to the freezer and pulled out a bag of frozen peas.

She went back over to Cassidy, now seated in a chair and still rubbing his head. She gently placed the frozen peas to the spot on the back of his head and tried to ignore the appreciative grin he was giving her.

"Now will someone please tell me why Cass was doing everything you told him to?" Elain looked at Jesse, hands on her hips.

"I'm not sure. It's some sort of power. I use this voice and people do whatever I tell them," Jesse said.

"Okay. Try it on me," Elain said.

"What? No."

"So you can use it on Cass, but not on me? Go ahead. Tell me to do something."

Jesse sighed but knew she wouldn't relent until he tried it on her. "Take your hands off your hips."

She did. Her face showing her shock. She'd had no control whatsoever over what she'd just done and yet, she'd done it. Felt the familiar movements.

"Tell me the truth. Did Cassidy kiss you?" Jesse asked.

"I kissed him." She gasped and slapped her hand over her mouth.

"Tell me why," Jesse said, seeing how flushed her face had grown because of his question.

She removed her hand as she answered, "Because I like him." Her face flushed and she slapped her hand back over her mouth.

Cassidy was grinning and she wished Jesse would use that power and tell her to leave the room.

"Tell me why you like him."

She wanted to fight it but no such luck as she blurted, "Because he makes me laugh and he's cute and he's sweet and I don't know, I just do!"

"Keep telling the truth. Do you want to kiss him again?"

Dear God, please don't make me answer she thought, but it was no help. "Yes. And more."

Her face was hot from her blushing and her eyes went wide when Jesse turned to Cassidy and punched him in the face so hard that Cassidy toppled from his chair and to the floor.

"Jesse!" Elain cried out.

Her brother was about to land another blow when she grabbed his arm and used the momentum of his swing to pull him out of his chair and to the floor, making him land on his stomach. She pulled the arm she had a hold of behind his back while grabbing for his other arm. "Stop it Jesse! It's not his fault!"

Jesse could have easily flipped her over to give him the advantage, but he refrained. He was actually glad she'd had enough force left in her to do what she had just done. "I'm not apologizin'."

"Fine, but you're not gonna' hit him again. Promise." She twisted the arm he'd used to punch Cassidy.

Jesse groaned, "I promise."

Elain released her brother and watched as he stood and dusted off his suit. "I had to. It's the principle of the matter."

Elain rolled her eyes at her brother's explanation and changed the subject. "So, how exactly did you get this power?"

"Good question," Cassidy said, smiling a little too widely at Elain for her liking at the moment.

Her face flushed again as she looked away from him and took a seat, listening to Cassidy as he paced the room and pondered out loud the possibilities of where Jesse's power came from. He was holding the bag of peas over his cheek now, which was starting to bruise. She was honestly worried for Jesse, especially as he described what it felt like. She agreed with Cassidy when he said that it didn't have to be a curse, but she didn't like the way he said it or the "possibilities" he was getting at.

"Well, I'm late," Jesse said, getting up. Before he left the room he turned back to where Elain and Cassidy were sitting next to one another. "No more kissin' my sister." He stared at the two of them a moment longer before leaving. When he was gone Elain and Cassidy burst into laughter.

"Well, I guess he told you. Kissing on old vampires and what not."

Elain gently shoved him. "Very funny Cass. I don't think he's joking."

"So what about this you want to kiss me an' more thing, huh?" He grinned at her. "Let's focus on the more part shall we."

She shook her head and wished she could stop from blushing. "It doesn't matter Cass, what I said is still true, we can't be anything."

"Can I ask why when you clearly have feelings for me?"

"Do you have feelings for me?" she asked, her heart rate speeding up. Perhaps this wasn't a question she should ask, but she wanted to know.

Cassidy reached up and twirled a bit of her brown hair around his finger, smiling when he saw her blush intensify. "That I do."

He moved his hand to her cheek and leaned in to kiss her but Elain jumped out of her seat. "Like I said Cass, this isn't gonna' happen."

"So you like me, but what? I'm not good enough for you?" Cassidy's smile was completely gone now.

"Did I say that? No. It's just…it's complicated."

"Oh, is it now? Well why don't you explain it to me?"

"I…" She didn't know why she didn't want to tell him that she was sick. Maybe she didn't want him to pity her or start coddling her like Jesse did. Maybe she was afraid that if he knew he wouldn't want her anymore.

Cassidy sighed and looked away. "Yeah, like I thought."

~O.O~

Cassidy told himself that he shouldn't have been surprised that Elain didn't want to be with him. She'd made that clear the other night, but he got his hopes up after Jesse's power forced her to tell the truth. After talking to her about it it was clearer than ever that she didn't truly want him. He wanted more with Elain, but he was going to respect her choice and not force anything. He was still going to stay and help out Jesse and maybe, just maybe, Elain would change her mind.

He entered Toadvine and found a girl that was the exact opposite of Elain. The money the angels had given him was spent on substances that were quickly going to make Elain the furthest thing from his mind, which was exactly what he needed.

~O.O~

"I don't know Tulip," Elain said. "You really need me to go to Toadvine with you?"

Tulip was sitting on the couch with her. "Come on. They're having a wake for Lacey. You guys knew each other right?"

"No, not really."

Tulip sighed. "Okay, so maybe there'll be some poker games tonight and it's the perfect time to take all the money those assholes have."

Elain shrugged.

"What's botherin' you Elain? Somethin' is. I can sense it." Tulip reached out and wrapped an arm around Elain. "You feelin' alright?"

Elain looked at Tulip and sighed, deciding she would like to talk to her about Cassidy. "It's Cassidy."

"Cassidy? That weird guy that lives in your attic? Wears a poncho and one of them Asian sun hats to town?"

"Yeah, that would be him."

"What about him?"

"Well…"

"You like him don't you?" Tulip grinned. "Wow. Of all the fellas that Elain Custer could fall for."

Elain grinned back. "I can't help it. Every time I'm around him I get butterflies in my stomach and I just wanna' sit on his lap and make out with his stupid face."

Tulip let go of Elain and damn near howled with laughter.

"It's not funny! It's true okay!?"

"Okay, okay," Tulip composed herself, but there was still a wide grin on her face. "So why has that got you down?"

"He doesn't know I'm sick."

"Ah. And you don't want him to know."

"I don't want to put someone through that."

"Elain Custer," Tulip put her hands on each of Elain's shoulders to make sure she was looking right at her. "You are sick, but that doesn't mean you should stop living. You like Cassidy. Does he like you?"

"He says he does."

"Well then, all that's left to do is go find him and make out with his stupid face."

"It's not that simple."

"No, it is definitely that simple. Cassidy's a grown man and if he can't handle you bein' sick, that's on him."

"But-"

"No buts. You like him. You want to be with him and if he doesn't want you after findin' out that you're sick, well that's his problem. You can't let something hold you back because of a bunch of what ifs. That's no way to live."

Elain got up from the couch before she could change her mind. "You're right. I've been talking myself out of this from the beginning and I've already hurt Cass once. I'm going to go to town and see if I can find him."

"Great!" Tulip said, standing up next to her. "But how about you look for him after we clean up at Toadvine."

~O.O~

Elain had given in and rode with Tulip to Toadvine. The place kind of made her uncomfortable and if Jesse found out she'd been here..." Tulip had been wrong, there were no poker games that night. Instead Tulip was angered even more by people's reactions to Lacey's death. After everyone cleared out from downstairs Tulip and Elain were going to stay and wait for the tea they'd been offered.

Elain could tell Tulip was still mad about Clive's words and when Tulip grabbed the baton from the coffee table and headed upstairs Elain went after her.

"Stop Tulip!" but her words didn't do anything as Tulip burst into the room, Elain right behind her.

Elain recognized his hair immediately, but yelling out to Tulip did no good and she was too slow to take the baton away before Tulip wacked a half-naked Cassidy several times. Elain yelled out his name as he crashed through the window. She ran over to it with Tulip to see him laying with a piece of glass imbedded in his neck. They looked to see Clive and one of the other girls standing in the doorway.

Tulip and the girl Cassidy had been having sex with were freaking out. Elain knew he was a vampire and that he would be fine, but she couldn't exactly tell them that so she went along with them. Tulip sat in the front seat while Elain held Cassidy in the back seat, his head in her lap. Tulip was apologizing profusely, twisted around in her seat to look at a bleeding and mumbling Cassidy. Her eyes went to Elain's and she started apologizing again.

Elain looked down to Cassidy. "You'll be fine right?"

Cassidy just smiled. "Well if I knew all I had to do to get close to you was fall out of a window I'd have done it days ago."

Elain chuckled quietly as Tulip yelled at the girl to drive faster.

"You know, there's no telling. I might not make it this time. Kiss me?"

Although she knew he was joking, she didn't hesitate and pressed her lips to his. The way Cassidy looked at her afterwards had her a bit worried though. She'd seen him heal impossible injuries before, but she didn't know what could actually kill him or not. "You sure you're gonna' be okay?"

At the hospital she was sitting next to him while Tulip was yelling at the nurse at the desk. When he got up and started walking towards a door she followed him. She followed him through a door and down a hallway and when he opened another door she saw what he was after. Blood. She lurched past him and opened one of the doors, grabbing a bag and handing it to him. She sank down to the floor with him as he gobbled down the blood. She reached up and grabbed a few more bags for him, but had to look away when he pulled the glass out of his neck. When she looked back the spot where the shard had been was already healed. She panicked a bit when the door opened and Tulip stood there, not knowing what Tulip would think or how she would react. Tulip was looking between the two of them and at the empty blood bags. "I think I'm gonna' make it," Cassidy told a shocked Tulip, a blood bag in one hand while his other arm wrapped around Elain.


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: So who else is excited for the season 3 premiere of Preacher today! Here's a new chapter to hold us over! Thank you so much for the follows and favorites! Enjoy and please review!**

Chapter Eleven

Hands Down-Dashboard Confessional

Breathe in for luck

Breathe in so deep

This air is blessed

You share with me

This night is wild

So calm and dull

These hearts they race

From self control

Your legs are smooth

As they graze mine

We're doing fine

We're doing nothing at all

My hopes are so high

That your kiss might kill me

So won't you kill me

So I die happy

My heart is yours to fill or burst

To break or bury

Or wear as jewelry

Whichever you prefer

The words are hushed

Let's not get busted

Just lay entwined here

Undiscovered

Tulip took Cassidy and Elain back to Tulip's Uncle's place and helped him to the spare bedroom. Tulip found him some clothes while Elain filled a big bowl with soap and water.

"You got it from here?" Tulip asked Elain.

"Yeah, thank you."

Tulip looked between where Elain was sitting on the edge of the bed to where Cassidy lay, his eyes closed. "All right. I'll leave you to it then. Holler if you need anythin'."

Elain didn't miss the wink Tulip gave her before shutting the bedroom door and she shook her head with a smile. She glanced at a sleeping Cassidy before soaking a wash rag in the warm, soapy water and then wringing it out before peeling the sheet back from Cassidy's chest. She gently cleaned the blood off of him, focusing on her task. Her hands were gentle as she passed the rag over his skin and she couldn't help but think of how she'd seen Cassidy only a few hours ago, buried inside that girl from Toadvine. It stung, but she wasn't angry. She had no right to be. Still, she realized on the drive from the hospital, Cassidy with his head once again in her lap, that it bothered her. She shook the thoughts from her mind and focused on cleaning Cassidy up. She tried her best to keep his manhood covered as she wiped off any blood on his thighs and legs. She looked up at his face to find he was looking at her, smirking.

"If I get these pajama bottoms up your legs, you can do the rest?"

"Ah, you're no fun."

She rolled her eyes and he chuckled, seeing how red her cheeks were. She got the pajama bottoms on up to his mid-thigh before turning round and letting him pull them the rest of the way on. When he was done she handed him the shirt Tulip had found and he leaned up a bit and pulled it on. She sat back down and pulled the rag out of the bowl, wringing it out again before gently cleaning his face and jawline. He watched her intently and she pretended to ignore him. She leaned back to inspect his face and when she was certain he was clean she got off the bed and grabbed the bowl, leaving the room to go dump it and wash her hands.

When Elain came back Cassidy's eyes were closed. She stood for a moment, looking down at him then to the door before toeing off her Converse and laying down on the bed. She didn't hesitate to snuggle up next to him and when Cassidy wound his arm around her waist and held her against him she smiled. It didn't take long for either of them to fall asleep.

Elain woke up to the sound of the alarm on her phone going off. She hopped out of bed and frantically grabbed it out of her small cross-body bag that she'd thrown onto the floor hours earlier. "Crap!"

"Mmm what's that?" Cassidy mumbled.

"I've got to go. Church service starts in ten minutes and Jesse's expecting a big crowd. He's doing this raffle thing," Elain explained as she slung her bag over her head. She paused and looked at Cassidy. She'd been sound asleep and quite warm and comfortable and she really wanted to do nothing more than curl up with him again. "You'll be okay?" She knew he would be, but she still worried.

"I'll be fine. Why don't you stay seeing as you're late anyway?" Cassidy patted the space she'd just vacated, not wanting Elain to leave.

He had a dreamy smirk on his face. God, could he stop with the smirking, she thought, realizing just how much she liked when he did just that. Elain warred with herself. "Jesse's probably worried."

"I noticed he does that a lot."

Elain shrugged. "He's my big brother."

"Yeah and you're a grown woman," he tried. Really not wanting her to leave. He worried that if she left, whatever had been happening between them the past few hours would stop.

Elain stood there fiddling with the honeybee key chain hanging on her bag. "I know it's just…there's a lot of…history there."

Cassidy remained quiet and Elain knew he wanted her to continue. "I have to go. I'll see you later." She hesitated before saying, "I'm glad you're okay Cass" and opened the door.

~O.O~

Jesse had been worried long before she showed up and church service was almost over. Especially when he realized she was wearing the same clothes she'd been wearing the day before. She assured him she'd been with Tulip all night, hanging out and catching up, and she apologized for not calling and letting him know where she was. Again. He'd believed her and of course she knew Tulip would tell him the same if he asked her. He'd given her a stern look when he asked if she'd taken her medicine the night before and said if she was going to be out like that again she needed to at least take her medicine with her. He fixed her a plate of breakfast at the kitchen table before he left her to go converse with some of the regular church-goers that were gathered in the dining room.

Elain spent the day sleeping in and out and if she wasn't asleep or in the kitchen eating a snack she was reading. She woke in the middle of the night. The lamp on her nightstand was still on and the cover of the paperback she'd been reading when she fell asleep was stuck to her calf due to the sticky heat. Her next thought was that if her book was sticking to her, Cassidy still hadn't fixed the AC. Her mouth felt like sandpaper so she rose from the bed and left her room to go get a glass of water. As she stood in the kitchen, leaning against the stove and gulping down water, Cassidy entered, wearing the same clothes from that morning.

"I thought I heard-" He stopped mid-sentence, staring at her, and her brow furrowed.

She realized she was standing in the kitchen in the mint green t-shirt she'd changed into that morning and a pair of white boy short underwear. Her face flushed and she looked anywhere but at his face, until she noticed he hadn't averted his eyes.

Her eyes narrowed. "Don't be a perv."

His eyes snapped up to look at her own. "I'm not! I swear! God as my witness! Not that you aren't nice to look at…I mean…I wasn't lookin' at-" He had been, in fact, looking at the way the boy shorts hugged her behind.

"You're ramblin' Cass," she told him and she couldn't help but smile a tiny bit at how his cheeks were a bit red. "I see you made it back okay."

"Yeah. I was planning on going to go to the hardware store to get some parts for the AC, but I uh…what was that this morning?" He hoped she wouldn't say that it was nothing. As much as he'd tried the day before to forget about her at Toadvine, it hadn't worked one bit.

Elain set her glass of water down on the counter and summoned some courage. She walked over to Cassidy and leaning up on her tippy-toes she kissed him. She pulled back when she realized he wasn't responding.

"I'm confused," he said, looking down at her.

"I know. I have been too. About my feelings for you, but I like you Cass. I really like you and I want to get to know you more and I'm sorry I've been sending you such mixed signals. I just needed to decide what I really wanted."

"And you've decided?"

"Yes I have," she said before kissing him again.

This time he responded, pulling her against him with one arm and winding his free hand in her hair. Elain pulled away and grabbed one of his hands in hers, pulling him down the hall and into the room. She shut the door and locked it and turned to find him right behind her. His lips were on hers again and they moved toward the bed and they broke apart as Cassidy lifted her and gently tossed her onto it. Elain giggled as she bounced on the mattress and Cassidy crawled over her, his lips quickly finding hers again. She opened her mouth and their tongues met, a little shiver working its way down Elain's spine and to her center. Cassidy groaned when her nails dug through his hair and he reached down and trailed his fingers down Elain's hip and thigh. Elain giggled when he tickled the back of her knee and she brought up her leg to wrap around his waist. She was very, very happy she'd decided to listen to heart and not her head as Cassidy's kisses moved to her jawline, his scent filling her nostrils. Up so close and personal he smelled like white clover and alcohol.

They remained like that for a while, just wrapped up in one another. Neither one of them was in a hurry to move things further, both just enjoying that things had progressed to this. Their kissing grew slower and slower until Cassidy rolled off of Elain and pulled her to him. They lay there, just listening to the sound of the other breathing, when Elain started to cough. Cassidy got up and went to the door, peeking out of it to make sure the coast was clear before leaving. He came back with a glass of water and handed it to Elain.

"Thanks," she said, sipping the water and patting her chest.

"You all right?" Cassidy asked, his brow quirked.

"Yeah. It's just the heat."

Cassidy left the room again and came back a few minutes later with a box fan, the white plastic now yellowed with age. "Found this in the attic," he explained as he plugged it in. He turned the knob on top and the blades whirred to life. Elain sighed at the breeze that started to fill the room.

"So that's why you haven't fixed the AC. You've had a fan," she teased.

"Well more like I'm not entirely sure what it is I'm doing."

"I thought so," She said as she set the glass of water down on the night stand and flicked off the lamp. Cassidy climbed back onto the bed and she let him pull her to him. She smiled when he pressed a kiss into her hair.

"Goodnight Cass," she whispered.

"Goodnight love," Cassidy answered, smiling.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Two chapters in one week! Woo! Enjoy! There is also a lemon in this chapter. That part has been taken out for this site, but can be found on AO3 under the same story and name.**

Chapter Twelve

Win You Over-LANCO

I could be the one you call baby

You could be the one that I love like crazy

Every night 'til the end of forever

The kind of love that only gets better

We could be the one in a million

Butterflies, once in a lifetime feeling

If it's too fast, I can take it slower

But tonight I'm gonna win you over, over

Elain had fallen asleep soon after she and Cassidy settled themselves on her bed. Cassidy stayed awake for a little while, just watching her and enjoying how she seemed quite fond of snuggling into his side. A part of Cassidy knew he should stop. That he was a monster and he wasn't good for her, but Cassidy had never been good at staying away from anything he wanted, no matter the reason and he wasn't about to start now. Elain liked him and that was good enough for him, he thought as he closed his eyes and held her tighter against him.

When Elain woke in the morning she rolled over to find Cassidy lying on his side, facing her. There was drool dried on the corner of his mouth and his hair was mussed. Elain thought he looked adorable and then giggled at the fact that she'd just thought a vampire was adorable. Cassidy mumbled something and Elain moved closer, pressing a soft kiss to his nose, then his temple. As she threaded her fingers through his hair she was surprised to find that she didn't wake up regretting her actions from the night before. She liked Cassidy and he liked her and for now, that's all there was to it. She still hadn't told him she was sick. She would tell him, she just didn't know how and she certainly had no idea how he would react. She wanted to think he'd be okay with it, but her fears were stronger. What if it ruined everything? She shook her head and pushed any thought of telling him she was sick away. For now, she was going to enjoy his company so she kissed him again, this time on his jaw, his stubble tickling her.

"Well this is certainly the best morning I've had since I've been here," Cassidy said, causing Elain to stop pressing kisses to his neck and look at him.

She smiled before saying, "And this is the best morning I've had in quite some time."

"And what are we thinking about on this very good morning? Hmmm?" He asked, reaching out to play with a loose strand of her hair.

"I'm thinkin' about how you'll burn up in the sun, but you can enter hallowed ground just fine. And crosses definitely don't have an effect. Garlic?"

"Nope."

"And you need blood to heal."

"Yes, but I don't crave it."

"So you aren't overcome with the desire to bite my neck at the moment?"

"Actually I am, just not for blood," he teased.

Elain let out a huff of laughter before saying, "You're not like any vampire I've ever read about."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I'm not sure yet."

Cassidy was quiet, not expecting her to be so honest.

At his look of worry Elain spoke again, "I mean you're just not what I would've expected, but-"

"But you like what you got?" he said genuinely worried, but trying to play it off.

"Yes," she answered and leant forward, pressing another kiss to his neck. "Very much."

Cassidy was eager to resume the previous night's activities, until there was a knock at the door that made him pause.

"Elain? Are you all right?"

Elain and Cassidy's eyes got wide at the sound of Jesse's voice.

"Elain? Why's your door locked?"

Elain pushed Cassidy off of her. "Under the bed," she whispered, jumping up.

"Elain I'm gettin' worried."

"I'm fine! Just a minute," she answered as Cassidy wiggled his way under her bed. She grabbed a pair of green plaid pajama shorts off the top of her dresser and pulled them on before unlocking the door. She opened it and watched as Jesse glanced around the room. Her heart was beating a mile a minute. If they hadn't locked the door and Jesse had opened it to check on her after her lack of an answer, he would probably have thrown Cassidy out of her bedroom window. Maybe even worse. Probably worse.

"You never lock your door," Jesse said.

"I got up in the middle of the night to get some water. Must've locked it when I came back to bed without realizin'."

Jesse nodded. "Well, since you're up, how about I make you some breakfast?"

"Sounds great," she smiled.

Jesse placed a kiss on her forehead before heading down the hallway.

Elain shut the door and turned around to see Cassidy crawling out from under the bed, a big grin on his face.

"It's not funny! We could've been caught," she whispered.

Cassidy pulled her to him and kissed her. Elain melted into him, eager to kiss him more. She pulled away after a few more kisses. "I'm going to go use the bathroom. You leave once you're sure the coast is clear," she said, reluctantly pulling out of Cassidy's embrace.

Cassidy sat on the edge of the bed and watched as she grabbed a fresh set of clothes.

"I want to take you out," he whispered.

She turned to him. "Like a date?" she whispered back.

He nodded, grinning at how red her cheeks had grown.

"When?"

"Tonight."

She nodded and walked over to him, bending down a tiny bit to place another kiss on his lips. "It's a date," she whispered before turning and leaving Cassidy the happiest he'd genuinely been in ages.

~O.O~

True to his word Cassidy showed up in Elain's room just as the sun went down, twirling the keys to the church van around his pointer finger. "Lucky for us your brother isn't here right now."

"Then let's go before he gets back," she said, putting her phone in the back pocket of her high-waisted jean shorts. "Just in case."

Cassidy was wearing the same shirt from before, but had traded the pajama bottoms for a pair of jeans.

"Ready?" Cassidy asked, watching as Elain swiped some lip balm on.

"Yep. Where are we going?"

"It's a surprise."

Elain followed Cassidy out to the van. Cassidy went to the passenger side door and opened it for her, sweeping his arm out, "Milady."

Elain laughed. "What a gentleman."

"All the best vampires are," he said, winking.

Elain had butterflies as Cassidy drove down the drive and out on to the road. She thought it was silly that she was nervous since they had been making out barely twenty-four hours ago, but she was excited to spend more time with him and to be on a date for the first time in years. She realized where he was taking her soon after they made it into town. There was a traveling fair in town for just two weeks.

"Are you kidding me?" Cassidy said, holding up the tickets he'd bought with money Elain had found out he'd nicked from Jesse.

"I don't do rides Cass."

"Aw come on. Just one."

"Nope."

"If you vomit I promise I'll hold your hair back."

"No way."

Cassidy sighed. "I bring you to the fair and you don't even like to ride the rides."

"That's an understatement, but lucky for you," she said, grabbing the tickets from him. "I'm good at the games."

Cassidy followed Elain as she went up to the first game she spotted. After using only six tickets, which amounted to two go's at the game, she triumphantly held up a stuffed bear.

"Well, I'm impressed," he said.

"For you," Elain smiled, holding out the bright red bear.

Cassidy took it. "I'll treasure it forever."

Elain laughed and rubbed her hands together. "What else can I play to win my vampire date something else?"

Elain won Cassidy another stuffed animal, this time a dog with floppy ears, as well as a stuffed purple alligator to give to Tulip and a little stuffed lion to give to Jesse.

They were sitting at one of the picnic tables. "My god, these are truly delicious," Cassidy said, eating a corn dog.

"Everyone knows the real reason people come to this thing is for the food," Elain said, pulling a piece from her funnel cake and popping it into her mouth, almost moaning as the warm fried batter covered in powdered sugar hit her tongue.

Cassidy shook his head. "I can't believe I brought my girlfriend to the fair and I didn't even win her a prize."

Elain swallowed the piece of funnel cake she was chewing and stared at him for a second. "So…I'm your girlfriend?"

"If you want to be."

"I want to be," she answered, blushing.

Cassidy beamed and stood up. "I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm going to win the prettiest girl in town a prize," he said over his shoulder.

Elain laughed again and watched him go, still eating her own food. She would not have come to the fair by herself, or even have suggested it, but she was having a lot of fun here with Cassidy and now they were official. Just like that. She thought it would be smart of her to be panicked by how fast things were moving, but she was far too happy to be bothered by it. By the time Cassidy came back his corn dog was cold, but he had a tiny plush elephant that fit perfectly in her hand.

"I'll treasure it forever," she said, standing up and stretching to kiss him.

~O.O~

When they arrived back home Jesse was pulling in right behind them. Elain hopped out of the van and Jesse eyed the prizes in her arms.

"You went to the fair?" He asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. Cassidy took me. It was his idea actually."

"Really?" Jesse looked from where Cassidy stood holding his bear, back to Elain. "Did you win me somethin'?"

Elain held up the lion and tossed it to her brother. He grinned at his sister and put his arm around her, leading her into the house. "Thanks for gettin' her out of the house Cass."

"No problem Padre," Cassidy answered as he followed them inside, sharing a smile with Elain as she looked back at him. Both glad that Jesse didn't mind them hanging out as long as he thought it was just as friends.

Cassidy and Elain spent the next few days together, watching another of Elain's favorite shows, Hannibal. When they knew Jesse was out they were cuddled together. When Jesse was there they were on opposite ends of the couch. Elain started falling asleep more and more, and Cassidy was starting to worry. He snuck into her bed each night, so he knew she was getting sleep. She also had coughing fits more and more, but always brushed off any concerns he voiced.

One night, like he'd been doing, a few minutes after Jesse did his usual nightly check up on Elain, Cassidy woke her when he crawled under the covers and pulled her against him so her back was against his bare chest. Tonight though, Cassidy's hand made its way to her thigh.

Elain gasped and arched into his touch as his fingers drew circles on the inside of her thigh, slowly moving higher, teasing her.

Elain leaned her head back on the pillow as Cassidy's mouth searched for hers and when his tongue entered her mouth his hand wound its way inside her boy shorts.

When she gasped again Cassidy broke their kiss, "Is this too fast?"

She thought about saying yes, that things were moving fast, but she didn't care. This was her choice. Cassidy's choice. She wanted to be with him, to get closer to him and the minute she'd kissed him in the kitchen a few nights before she'd decided to set things with him in motion. Things she wanted. "I want you," she said, her hand on his cheek, pulling his face back down to hers.

~O.O~

"How are you feeling love?"

"Hmmmm….blissful," she smiled.

Cassidy grinned and kissed her again before laying back down and pulling her back against him. After a while she rolled over and pressed her forehead to his chest, her fingers running through his chest hair and gently tracing his collarbones. She started to press kisses to his chest when Cassidy stopped her. "I'm all right. Get some sleep."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm perfect."

Cassidy watched for a while like he did each night, listening to her breathing. Every now and then he thought he heard her straining for breath, but it was gone after a minute, and he chalked it up to worrying over nothing. Cassidy was usually pretty selfish when it came to sex, but he was 119 years old and he'd learned a few things, and was more than happy to put that knowledge to use concerning Elain. He pressed a kiss to her temple before leaving, remembering that he was supposed to meet up with Fiore and Deblanc tonight about Jesse.

~O.O~

Elain woke up at ten the next morning, hearing voices and the washing machine going. Cassidy was nowhere to be found as he usually left before Jesse could do his morning check up on Elain.

"So what else has been goin' on? What you been doin'? Or don't I wanna know?" Elain heard her brother ask.

"Oh the odd mischief here and there. I got pushed off a building. Fell in love, went to hospital nothing to worry your head over. That's some serious ink there padre. Where'd you get that back one?"

"Mean old lady gave it to me. What about you? You look like a men's room wall."

"I went through a period of low impulse control."

"Thank God that's over with."

"What are those there?"

"This? That's my tulip and my peony. Peonies are Elain's favorite."

"Oh. Really? Well, they're lovely. What are you gonna' do man?"

"About what?"

"About Genesis. Honestly, I mean, what a terrible name. It's just awful."

"I'm keepin' it, like I said."

"I dunno, Padre. Look, those fellers might not seem the sharpest shivs in Heaven's shed, but still, I mean, you said they were bloody angels."

"Yeah, and?"

"And I don't know how it works, but don't, I don't know, don't they outrank you? Don't you kind of have to listen to them?"

"I don't have to listen to anyone but God."

"Oh, forgot about his plan for you and all that."

"You still doubt that? After everything that's happened?"

"I doubt everything all the time, all right? It's the only way to live."

"Well, that's where you and I part company."

"Now look, I'm just saying, if it was up to me I wouldn't be messing around with it."

"Well it's not up to you, Cassidy. It's up to me."

"All right. All right. So what are you gonna' do? Come on."

"Same as before. Nothing's changed."

"Something's changed."

Both men looked up as Elain entered the kitchen and crossed her arms, but then her eyes went wide when she saw that both Cassidy and her brother were only in their underwear.

"Why are you bleeding Cass?" she asked, moving closer to him.

"Oh, just something I and your brother here had to deal with."

"Like?"

Jesse sighed as his sister's hands went to her hips. He knew that look. "We might as well tell her Cassidy. She'll get it out of us one way or another."

Elain sat down on the edge of the kitchen table and listened to them tell her about clones which turned out to be angels and about what Jesse's power really was and where it came from. Once she was all caught up she sighed and looked at her brother. "So you're really gonna' keep it?"

"Don't tell me you agree with Cassidy."

She shrugged.

"Oh, come on. I can do some good here. I can be the best preacher this town has ever seen."

"Is that what you want? To be a better preacher than dad?"

"I just want to help people."

"No. You want to try and prove to yourself that you're a good person. That you can do the right things when you're supposed to. Well I'm tellin' you that you don't have anything to prove."

Jesse sighed and decided to change the subject. "Breakfast?"


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: All right, another chapter! Once again there is a lemon taken from this chapter here on , but it can be found on my AO3, same name as here. Enjoy!**

Chapter Thirteen

Inside Out-The Chainsmokers feat. Char

Bend your chest open so I can read your heart

I need to get inside, or I'll start a war

Wanna look at the pieces that make you who you are

I wanna build you up and take you apart

Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright

I'm gonna love you inside out

I'm gonna love you inside out

Let me see the dark sides as well as the bright

I'm gonna love you inside out

I'm gonna love you inside out

Elain and Cassidy had just finished cleaning up after breakfast when Tulip came in through the kitchen, carrying a few things for Sunday's church service. Jesse was expecting quite a crowd and Elain was happy for him. He'd been struggling for a while to get more church attendees and now there would be more than the church could house.

"Emily asked me to help with some errands," Tulip explained as she shut the door behind her.

"Really?"

"Why does everyone sound so surprised by that?"

Elain looked to Cassidy then back to Tulip. "I'll be right back Cass."

Cassidy nodded and watched Elain follow Tulip.

Elain helped Tulip put away the stuff she'd picked up, putting it in the storage closet, and once they were done Tulip turned to Elain. "So? Did you do it?"

"Do you mean did I make out with Cassidy?"

"Uh huh," Tulip grinned, already knowing the answer. She hadn't missed the soft look Cassidy gave Elain after she'd turned to follow after Tulip.

"Yup. Sure did," Elain grinned, eyes bright.

"I told you!"

"Shhhh. You've gotta' promise me somethin' Tulip."

Tulip folded her arms across her chest. "Jesse doesn't know yet, does he?"

Elain shook her head. "He also kind of forbid Cassidy from being anything more than friends with me."

"Kind of?"

"That's what Cassidy told me."

"And did you tell Cassidy that-"

Elain shook her head, fearing Cassidy would hear. "No. Not yet."

Tulip put an arm around the younger woman's shoulders. "Look Honeybee, you gotta' tell him."

"I will, I just…" Elain sighed trailing off.

"You're afraid of how he's goin' to react."

Elain nodded.

"Well, it's up to you, but sooner is better than later."

"What's better than later?"

Elain jumped and turned to see her brother. Cassidy behind him.

"The sooner we can get out of here and go find Carlos is what," Tulip said. "And Elain agrees. Right?"

Elain wanted to shove Tulip for putting her in the middle, but she was doing the exact same thing concerning her and Cassidy and damn if Tulip wasn't using it to her advantage. Although Elain had made it clear to Jesse she'd be fine for a few days without him if he decided to go with Tulip. "Sure do."

"We're not talkin' about this now. What are you two really doin?"

"Puttin' away church stuff, remember?" Tulip said as she guided Elain out of the room and pushed past Jesse.

~O.O~

That night after Jesse checked on Elain she crept out of her room and down the aisle of the church, taking the stairs to the attic. When she got to the door it opened before she could knock.

"I was just on my way to your room."

"I thought we could stay in your room for the night," Elain explained, glancing into the attic behind him.

"Well it's not as nice as yours."

"No, but a change of scenery would be nice."

Cassidy held the door open and she stepped inside. A lot of the junk was pushed to the back wall and there was an old mattress covered in blankets pushed against the left wall, just out of range of a window. Cassidy had actually managed to fix the air conditioning a few days ago and he'd found another fan to hook up in the attic to circulate the air.

Cassidy sat down on the mattress and scooted so his back was against the wall before patting the spot next to him. "Now, am I correct in thinking that you came here so we could shag without getting caught?"

Elain's face flushed profusely and Cassidy chuckled. "I'm just messing about love," he said as she sat down next to him.

"What if I did come here for that?"

Cassidy's brow quirked up and Elain bit her lip, suddenly finding the junk against the wall very interesting,

Cassidy gently gripped her chin in his hand and made her look at him. "Are you sure you want to be messing around with a fella like me?"

Elain sighed. "Look, I'm not goin' to give you some cliché crap about how I know deep down you're a man with a heart of gold, because you don't want to hear that and to be honest this is all moving pretty fast, but I…I want to be with you."

Cassidy nodded. "I'm a right mess."

"You-you're lost. You've probably been through so much in your existence, some you've told me, some I probably don't wanna' know. You're just like anyone else, lookin' for somewhere to belong. And…what I'm tryin' to say is I know that you try. You look out for Jesse like you've known him for years and I can see that you're tryin' to be good, in your own way."

"So you want me to be…" Cassidy started, his tone serious.

"I don't want you to be someone you're not, because then you wouldn't be you. And everything you've been through, that's who you are now, the guy, vampire, that's tryin' to be good in the middle of nowhere."

Cassidy regarded her for a moment before pulling her onto his lap so she was straddling him. He kissed her, harder than he had yet and Elain fisted her hands in his shirt, settling onto his lap.

~O.O~

"The other mornin'…when you were talkin' with Jesse…you told him you fell in love. Did you-did you mean me?"

"Of course I did."

She pushed up to look at him. "You love me?"

"I do. I really do," he smiled at her, still blissful from their joining.

"I love you too Cass," she said, kissing him softly.

~O.O~

The next morning Elain was woken by the feeling of fingers on her back. Cassidy's fingers were tracing her tattoo, which was identical to Jesse's and also in the same spot as his. "Did a mean old lady give you this?" he asked her.

"Yeah," Elain answered, but she didn't feel like elaborating as she turned to face him.

"Matching tattoos from a mean old lady, huh? I bet that's quite a campfire story."

"Not one I want to talk about if I can help it."

Cassidy sensed the shift in her mood immediately. Normally he'd try to get someone to open up, he was good at it even, but he didn't want to push Elain, especially after the wonderful night they'd just had together.

Elain didn't want to leave, but Jesse was probably going to be up soon and she didn't want him to go looking for her and find her here. "I'm goin' to take a shower," she told Cassidy, pulling herself up into a sitting position.

Cassidy watched her as she stood and frowned when she swayed on the spot. He quickly sat up and reached out a hand to her hip to steady her. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I-I just got up too fast is all. I'll meet you downstairs."

While she was showering she started to take stock of how she was feeling. She was exhausted, probably because of last night's activities, and she could feel a headache building. When she stepped out of the shower and started toweling off the lightheadedness she'd experienced in front of Cassidy came back again and she reached out to the wall to steady herself, focusing on the wall as she pulled air into her lungs. Once she felt better she finished drying off and pulled on the clean clothes she'd grabbed from her room, picking up the ones she'd worn yesterday off the floor and tossing them into the hamper. She made her way to the kitchen to find Cassidy dressed. He'd spread peanut butter over a slice of toast and was handing it to her when he accidently stuck his hand in the sunlight coming in through the window over the sink, cursing.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain, Cass," Elain teased, inspecting his hand and marveling at seeing his skin heal up close.

"Oh, you mean like last night? 'Cause I'm pretty sure you were taking the Lord's name in vain when my head was between your legs."

"What the fuck did you just say?"

Elain and Cassidy froze, his hand still in hers as Jesse stormed toward them.

"Look Padre-" Cassidy started, but was cut off when Jesse's fist flew toward his face.

Elain yelled out as her brother shoved her away from him and Cassidy. Before Jesse could land another blow Cassidy had his arms around his friend's waist and was hoisting him into the air, only to slam him down on the kitchen table.

"Now look Jesse-Ah!" Elain watched as Jesse launched himself at Cassidy, knocking him down to the floor, his fist flying into Cassidy's face a second time.

Elain cried out, reaching forward to try and stop her brother when Cassidy got the upper hand, elbowing Jesse in the ribs with enough force to shove Jesse off of him and get away. He had his hands up, ready for Jesse's next move when Elain stepped in–between them.

"Both of you stop right now and act like adults for once!"

"I told you to stay away from my sister!" Jesse said as he stood, pure rage in his eyes as he looked between his supposed friend and his younger sister.

"I'm not just sick you know!" Elain yelled, her chest heaving.

"What are you talkin' about Elain?"

"All you do is coddle me! I'm not a child! And yes, I am sick, but that's not all that I am! I'm a person!"

"I know that!"

"Do you!? I still have to try and live my life and I like Cassidy. I like spendin' time with him. Bein' with him. He makes me happy. So what's the problem?"

"The problem is he's not good enough for my sister!" Jesse spat.

"That's for me to decide! And while we're talkin' about relationships…why don't you…why don't you worry about…about yours." Elain had started coughing and was now trying to speak through them.

"Excuse me?"

"You and Tulip! You have to sort that out one way or-" she coughed some more before bending forward and clutching her head in her hands. "Jesse," she gasped, her eyes filling with tears as he started to realize something was wrong. "I can't…breathe…I can't. My head."

Jesse looked at his sister, the anger in his eyes changing to concern as he saw tears slip down her cheeks. He stepped forward and swept an arm under her legs, lifting her into his arms, and headed for the door.

"What's happening?" Cassidy asked, concern all over his face.

"I'll take care of my sister. I want you gone by the time we get back," Jesse said, pulling the keys to his truck off the key rack by the door.


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Two chapters for you today! Enjoy!**

Chapter Fourteen

Kiss It Better-He is We

And she cried

Kiss it all better

I'm not ready to go

It's not your fault, love

You didn't know, you didn't know

She and Jesse had just got back from the hospital. Her doctor had confirmed her fears, she was getting worse, and her oxygen count was low. She would have to start wearing oxygen. She was definitely dying, and so soon after Cassidy came to town, after they'd laid bare their feelings for one another.

Shit, she thought, she'd pretty much already told him when she'd been shouting at her brother, letting out all her pent up feelings and thoughts as of late. She and Jesse had talked about it at the hospital.

When she'd woken up in the hospital room a few hours later, Jesse was asleep in the chair next to the bed. As she looked at his left hand holding her right, she started to cry. When she moved her other hand to wipe at her face, Jesse woke.

"Elain," he breathed, relieved. "How are you feelin'?"

"My head doesn't hurt anymore. Has Dr. Fitz been in yet?"

"No, but he'll be by soon." He squeezed her hand in both of his. "Elain I'm sorry I've been so overprotective, I just…"

"I know," she said, knowing he didn't really want to finish that sentence. "I know it makes you feel better to check on me, to help me. I know you wish there was more you could do."

"We could always go see-"

"Don't you dare finish that sentence Jesse Custer. I'm not goin' to that woman for anything. And everything comes with a price. No."

"Elain-"

"No. This is my life. It's my decision and you should respect that."

"Well if we went to her you'd at least-" he stopped and let go of her hand, wiping his face with his hands before leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees.

"No," she said quietly. "And that's the end of it."

They were both quiet for a while before Jesse sat back up and grabbed her hand again. "I love you Elain. We're all the family we've got," he said, tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I love you too Jesse," she said as she squeezed his hand back.

~O.O~

Cassidy hadn't even known she was sick to begin with. Maybe she should just cut things off now, but she didn't think she would be able to stand that. He didn't deserve this. No one did. Jesse had already lost their mother, and then their father, now this? And Tulip? She'd always been like the sister she'd never had. Emily and Tulip had come to see her the night before since Dr. Fitz decided to keep her overnight, but there was no sign of Cassidy, which had her worried.

Now she was sitting on the couch, an oxygen tank by her side, and a cannula in her nose. The doctor had written her a prescription for a portable and rechargeable oxygen machine, and the health care company was supposed to bring over a bigger one that plugged into the wall and could be wheeled from room to room within the coming week. It was all too much. She'd held together pretty well but now, as Jesse went to town to get some dinner and some whiskey, she decided to see if Cassidy was home. She went into the attic and paused at the door, staring at the mattress she'd been on with Cassidy such a short while ago. It felt like it had been longer.

She found some old empty picture frames, vases, and other glass knick-knacks that had otherwise been forgotten. She picked up a robin's egg blue vase and inspected it for a moment before throwing it at the wall and watching it shatter. She reached for another item, and then another. She screamed and cursed with each toss, barely pausing to listen to the satisfying sound as each item shattered, eager to throw the next, and let out all the anger she'd been holding in for so long.

That's how Cassidy found her, with glass and wood and ceramic shattered everywhere, screaming, with tears streaming down her face. He'd been frozen to the spot when he entered the room and saw her. He'd never seen her like that. She froze when she turned and saw him standing there.

"Cass…" she breathed.

"What's goin' on love?" he approached her, noticing her hands were cut and bleeding in several places from a lack of being cautious in her anger.

"I-I need to tell you somethin'," she said, letting the glass figure of an angel she was holding slip from between her fingers and smash onto the floor.

Elain had walked past Cassidy and he followed her, eyeing the oxygen tank she was carrying with her down the stairs. She went to the living room and sat down on the couch, where they'd spent so much time together. The only sound in the room was the sound of oxygen traveling through the clear tubing to Elain's nose.

Cassidy spoke first. "What you said, when you were yelling at Jesse…" He reached up to touch her face but she flinched, which caused him to frown.

"Sorry, I-" she sighed and looked away from him before taking a deep breath. When she looked back at him he could see the tears in her eyes and his heart pounded from the sound in her voice, the pain in her eyes as she looked at him, and the smell of her blood that she was now absentmindedly wiping on her jeans.

"I have cancer," she said.

Cassidy was quiet, his brow furrowing.

"I've had it for a few years. Chemo worked for a while, but then it stopped and Jesse and I…we talked about it with my doctor's, with each other, and decided it was better to stop the chemo. That goin' through that any more, when there was no progress…that it would be better to let the cancer run its course."

Cassidy was still quiet, but now his face was impassive.

She decided to keep going. "I've been tired a lot lately, and last week when Jesse and I were in town gettin' groceries I had to go sit down. I could barely catch my breath. I thought it was just a one-time thing. I was doin' okay for a bit, but it's progressing. I need to be on oxygen twenty-four seven now." She said all this fidgeting with her hands in her lap, scared of his reaction, and she was right to be scared as she looked at him.

Cassidy could hear her words along with the blood pounding in his ears. He'd hoped, even prayed that he'd misheard her the previous morning, that she'd misspoke in the moment, but deep down he knew the truth. All the nights where her breathing shifted and he wrote it off, the frequent naps, how she ate like a bird.

"Cass?" she asked, concerned that he hadn't said anything yet. She reached a hand up to touch his shoulder and he jumped up.

Her hand was frozen in the air as he walked across the room, went into the kitchen, and left, slamming the door.

She got up when she heard shouting.

Cassidy almost smacked into Jesse outside. He clenched his teeth as he stared at the man before him holding take-out and liquor bags. "Where's your fuckin' God Jesse? Huh? Where's your precious fuckin' God now!?"

Jesse sighed, but didn't say anything.

"Where is he!? 'CAUSE HE'S NOT FUCKIN' HERE IS HE!? And you better hope I never meet him, or I'll fuckin' kill him!" Cassidy said before shoving past Jesse.

Jesse turned around and shouted after his friend, "Where are you goin' Cassidy? Cassidy!" He watched Cassidy walk down the drive for a bit, turning around when he heard a sniffle.


End file.
